“The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” – George S. Patton
Breathe…
Flashbacks of traumas past…
Breathe… I tell myself. Breathe.
Running hard. Running fast, my feet barely touching the ground… An angry mob, hundreds of men with knives and sticks, yelling epithets, closing in…
Rock bottom…
Standing on a table, above the angry mob… questions assail… accusations…
The Inquisition.
Chaos… Fear… Shame…
I have been reminding myself to breathe lately…
I recently became reunited with a group of schoolmates from two decades past. Tales from our time together were funny, light hearted…
Reminiscing…
Then, the darkness returned… long forgotten repressed memories of trauma and shame from a rock bottom period came flooding back…
Breathe, I tell myself… Breathe.
Hot tears stream down, unsolicited.
The memories unrelenting… What do I do?
Breathe…
Here’s the thing… Rock bottom is inevitable. Like a bouncing ball, how hard you impact the ground determines how high you’ll rebound… but with one condition…
You have to be flexible… Pliable. You have to stretch, be bounce-y, push back…
You can’t expect to bounce back if you have gotten dry, parched, hard and brittle, fragile… (see the previous post about soaking. getting flexible and bending so you don’t break).
Humble yourself. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Be open to the lessons this experience has for you. You don’t know it all. Sometimes our egos get the best of us and we can’t listen to constructive criticism. Let that go.
Breathe. Stay in your body. Ground yourself. Don’t panic. Listen.
One of my new reunited friends said she had always remembered me as “having it all”, a carefree and vibrant teen…
I could see why she had that impression.
Optimism and Positivity are natural strengths for me… I am one of those smiley happy people… but this gives the misleading impression of carefreeness… Far from it. I was going through one of the most traumatic periods of my life.
I believe that these traits, key components of resilience, have been my saving grace. They made up my survival mechanism for the many traumatic experiences I have had -exploitations, betrayals, molestations and abuse.
Faith. Hope. Purpose.
I have always known there was a purpose for my life… Even as a child I had a strong sense of destiny… Being a voracious reader, I had spent a lot of my early days soaking up bible stories… Having a strong awareness of the Divine, so early in life, saved me… I knew even in the middle of unspeakable horror that I was going to be ok. This does not excuse the things that happened to me but this understanding often kept me from panicking. Knowing I had a destiny kept me moving forward.
People always comment on my dimples… I often forget they are there but they are symbols of another saving grace…
Choice.
I can always choose to smile… no matter what situations in which I find myself … In an instant I can change my physical state with a smile. And that smile sends signals to my body that I am fine.
And if I can’t smile, I can breathe. Deeply, fully, wholeheartedly. Breathe.
Breathing reminds me that all will be well. Breathing reconnects me to the present moment. Breathing reminds me of God’s presence. I am not alone in this. The God who breathed in me is right here, right now, and I am not alone. And I can reach for help.
Knowing I am not alone, my mind is receptive and open to the solutions around me. I remember that what goes down, must come up (if bouncy!) and I can do something to prepare for that journey back up. And then I can choose my action from a place of calm, love and worthiness.
Same goes for you, my friend. You are not alone.
When you feel yourself panicking in the middle of rock bottom, breathe. Be intentional with your breath. When you feel yourself losing it in all the madness, Breathe!
That’s a great starting point… You will be fine.
Breathe, tell yourself… Breathe.
Then, prepare to bounce back!
Cultivating Resilience:
1. Where are you right now? Rock bottom? On your way back or sliding to?
2. What strengths or ideals do you harness during your difficult times?
3. What choices do you see around you?
4. What support can you reach for right now?
5. What facade are you hiding behind?
6. What do you need right now? In what ways can you prepare for the bounce back?
7. Whom can you support right now?
Breathing is a simple reset button. Rock bottom requires going back to the basics. No matter what you are going through, let your breath be your reminder that you have choices and that you will be fine – no matter what happens. See you next week!
Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”