Integrity.
I love this word.
Integrity – the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
– the state of being whole and undivided. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
Usually, we think of integrity as righteous living, or doing things the right way and the right time. being honest and moral. And that is true… partly…
Integrity stems from the word: “Integer”. I was a math major in undergrad (well, actually a biology and math major… but that’s another story! I digress… )
Integers are whole numbers. Not fractions. Not decimals.
Whole.
Complete.
Lacking nothing. No extra attachments trailing, no attendum pending…
Whole.
Also think of the associated word “Integrated”. In the United States, integration is a charged but desirable goal. People of different backgrounds and races interacting in all facets of life with peace and goodwill.
So how can I practice integrity as wholeness?
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.
As a Third Culture Adult, having moved around my whole life. I am very eclectic. With each location, I found myself adapting adopting some of the local culture in order to assimilate with my peers… Not necessarily fit in, but get along.
The evolution that arises from such mobility can be gradual and easy to absorb, especially for a growing child. Third culture kids are adept at being social chameleons. I can relate to just about anyone and can find something to connect with a new acquaintance. So, my whole life, I have woven in and out of social circles that don’t necessarily overlap.
My friends range from several religious backgrounds- Mennonites, Jews, Mormons, Hindu, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic, Evangelical Christian…
They also have various political leanings – Tea Party, Progressives, Conservative, Liberals…
And work in various fields as Artists, Physicians, Yoginis, Musicians, Entrepreneurs, Politicians, Photographers…
World Cup is always fun for me. I can cheer with my friends from Peru, Bangladesh, Finland, England, Germany, China, Cambodia, Korea, Ghana, Nigeria, Liberia… Faux rivalries with your friends are fun when you cheer for the opposing team.
When you move across cultures, continents, even languages, the changes can be drastic. And if you have nothing to tether you to your past, you can reinvent yourself over and over again. This was an awesome facet of moving around until…
Facebook.
Facebook triggered an unexpected identity crisis for me. What do you do when your several pasts and identities collide with your present? Who are you then? And can you still evolve? Is there room for growth. Yes I am a renaissance woman and a life-long learner. But for a while there I struggled and had to take some time to really reflect.
So how do you integrate all of these different parts of yourself into the current you in a way that aligns with your ideals while shedding the parts you have outgrown. How do you avoid coming across as a hypocrite? “Oh yeah, she’s all righteous now, you should have seen her during her partying days”. “Wait, he’s a Christian? Wasn’t she studying the Kabballah and hanging out at ashrams 8 years ago?”
Yes, people might be saying these things.
Or maybe it is all in your head.
No one really cares. What they care about it how you treat them. The thing is people are too busy thinking about themselves, looking for validation and meaning. We are all stuck in our heads…
“What’s in your head? Zombie, Zombie, Zombie eh eh…” – The Cranberries
Maybe what’s really important is holding the space you occupy in the world with wholeness and grace – bringing all of who you are to the table and owning it. Owning the parts of yourself that don’t make sense or shedding them. Your choice.
But embracing the full definition of integrity. Living honestly, being whole, Standing on your ideals and living aligned with them. Pointing the compass due north and following it.
So yes, I am a walking contradiction. I love hard rock. I love blue grass. I love Jesus. I love Jimi Hendrix. I love people of different backgrounds and nationalities. I love dancing salsa. I dream of crowdsurfing at a Foo Fighters or DC talk reunion concert. I love math. I am crazy about mental health and coaching and preventive medicine and international health. I love Oprah and Albert Schweitzer… See all the I’s… How self-absorbed! NO ONE CARES!
What people care about is how you make them feel. Instead of staying here navel-gazing, I can look up and serve. It is the one thing that fulfills me. And Albert Schweitzer was absolutely right.
” I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know – the only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”
Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of yourself have you suppressed or withheld to appear more acceptable?
2. What would living a life of integrity look like for you?
3. Do you know anyone who lives in integrity? What do you admire most about them?
4. What are your fears and concerns about living in integrity?
5. What would the next decade look like if you didn’t practice integrity?
6. In what ways do you need support with living in integrity?
You are valid. Your life has purpose and you have all the different facets of your personality for a reason. Explore what bringing all of who you are in service to the World means to you. And go live it. See you next time!
Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.