“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…” – John Newton

Been thinking about Grace lately…

Yes, The old hymn calls it “Amazing”.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found. Was blind but now I see…”

The truth is, for a long time, I disliked that hymn.

I didn’t think I was a wretch. I didn’t think I was lost. And I definitely did not think I was blind!

Boy, was I wrong.

Funny how things change…

A decade ago, I was so sure of myself. I had my life planned out. I was going to be a doctor. I was going to make something of myself. I was going to change the world doing medical missions. I felt the hand of destiny on me. I knew I was going to be important someday. I would never have to worry about anything because my work would always be in demand.

Yep, I thought I knew it all.

Then, after my burnout experience, after I resigned halfway through my intern year of residency, after trying to do 80hr-weeks with an infant without family or friends in a new city, I began to understand.

Failure…

Imagine 7 years of wretchedness – A wilderness of isolation, debt, despair, shame…

Lost… Two years of job applications and only one interview… Trying to figure what to do with your life.

Blind… Red flags…  recurring patterns and yet failing to connect the dots…  Serendipity yet failing to respond with gratitude… The light fading from your eyes…

Cycle back to failure… losing respect in the eyes of friends of family for not completing the designated path.

Humiliation… Face-planting after yet another attempt at moving forward.

Slammed doors. More  Isolation. Scarcity. Self-pity. Alienation. Shame…

And then, the hiding begins… You disappear.

No point in showing up for that event or that reunion when everyone else is doing so well… Those you mentored have long passed you on the path you helped them find…

The walls mount around you and you wonder if there is a way out. You cry for relief only to hear your voice echoing back against the walls of your prison.

So, after struggling and struggling, you surrender.

And suddenly! Grace!

“Grace – simple elegance or refinement of movement”- Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Grace!

You decide to pay attention.

Then you realize, that Grace was there all along.

Those storms did not drown you – they taught you about walking on water. The fires did not consume you – they refined you.  The wilderness did not dry you up. You developed spiritual abs of steel in the boot-camp of life.

You begin to see the patterns. You begin to connect the dots of your life. Things begin to make sense.

You start chipping away at the walls, letting the light in, letting others in.

You show up as you truly are and things really begin to fall into place.

Suddenly, an already busy stay-at-home mom finds little pockets to time to write.

The ideas begin to take flight.

You receive a phone call offering you the help you have been praying for… You gain access to a world you didn’t know existed. Mentors, kindred, inklings begin to show up to help you with your long-neglected dreams. A check shows up in the nick of time..

Failures still happen, but, you have a quiet confidence that didn’t exist before. You know that Grace is making a way for you. You work hard, yes, but there is an inexplicable ease, a flow, that seems to pervade even the difficult things…

Like oil to the wheel…

And you press on, knowing that you will be fine. There is a power working on your behalf. All the resources of the universe at your fingertips because you are doing what you were born to do. You are exactly where you need to be. You have taken that courageous step…

Surrender.

One of my favorite definitions of Grace is God’s willingness to use his power to make  all resources available to meet your needs.

Not because you have earned it, but because you are loved.

I look at my life. The pain, the triumph, the joys, the failures… It is starting to make sense… Not all of it, but the patterns are there…

My Physician burnout experience. Then my father’s death during physician strikes in Nigerian – a direct result of other physician burnouts. Physician strikes during my visit to San Diego. A Family friend jumping off a bridge to her death halfway through her intern year of residency. My training in positive psychology coaching. My training in the Daring way. My history of activism, advocacy and humanitarianism. My passion for music, writing and performance.

The dots are connecting to a calling that I am beginning to respond to – inspire  a global tribe of humanitarians especially physicians, to  live their ideals and thrive in their calling and change the world.

Do you see it? Do you see how the dots connect?

Maybe… Maybe not… Because it’s not really about me.

It’s about you… You, paying attention to your life.  Surrendering to Grace. Facing  your truth, living it and telling it.  Embracing imperfection. Remembering those serendipitous moments with gratitude. Cultivating Grace by surrendering to it.

Yes, that Grace.

It’s Amazing… Do you see it?

I see it… I was blind, but now, I see!

 

Cultivating Grace:

As Thriving Idealists, you “cultivate your light” by cultivating your ideals.  Take some time to reflect on your life.

1.  Where are the dots,  the seminal moments of your life? What recurring patterns stand out to you?

2. What areas of your life are you neglecting or unwilling to talk about? In what ways are you not showing up fully in your life?

3. What area of  failure, pain or red flags have you been ignoring?

4. What truths do you need to face about your life? Who can help you do so?

5. How has Grace shown up in your life?  What moments of serendipity have you not acknowledged? In what ways can you surrender to Grace?

6. What are you grateful for? If you are going through a dark period , can you find one thing to be grateful for?

7. Find an accountability partner and make a commitment to pay close attention to your life.  Can you note the moments of serendipity  Grace that sends your way?

You are loved. And with that love comes a willingness to meet your needs. Sure, your wants might not always be met. But your needs will be. Surrender and you will see!  See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw  writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her Daily Haikus and lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted  humanitarians like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”