“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”
– William H. Murray (Scottish Mountaineer and Writer)

Commitment.

This word conjures up all kinds of images. It has never been a glamorous word.

You think of the “old ball and chain”. Boredom. Obligation. Being stuck in something you really don’t want to do or somewhere you want to me.

It is used for mental institutions, prisons… Commitment hints at a loss of freedom.

It sounds like pain and suffering. Even worse, drudgery.

You can see the “committed” person grimfaced, teeth clenched.

Oh, Just grin and bear it!

For the longest time, this is how I felt about commitment.

Then I came across the verse from James 1:6-8

“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

Until you make a commitment about that thing, whatever it is, you will be double-minded and unfocused. You will waste a lot of energy, fretting about everything.

Commitment is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a promise to do or give something: a promise to be loyal to someone or something : the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something.”

I am learning that commitment is actually liberating.

Draw the line in the sand. Burn the boats. And suddenly, you are focused like a laser.

Eliminating every other option, you are no longer distracted by “what ifs”.

You get married. You commit to loving someone through thick and thin. You don’t have to fret about your insecurities, and sweat the small stuff. You look at the big picture and say ” I choose to love this person through this.” It takes all the angst away. You are free to be yourself.

I decided to write a blog. Encouraged by friends, I had been mulling the idea for years.

But I just didn’t have the time. And I couldn’t find the courage.

Years flew by, kids came. Busier than ever. Still couldn’t find the time. Didn’t know what to talk about.

Being a recovering perfectionist, I usually would wait for just the right time to do anything. If I couldn’t do it perfectly, exactly the way I envisioned it, I wouldn’t do it.

I think of the lyrics from one of my favorite songs, “Time” by Pink Floyd,

“Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines.
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way,
The time is gone, the song is over…
Thought I’d something more to say…”

I wasted a lot of time waiting for the right moment, the right time, the right skills.

So I decided to commit.

I drew a line in the sand and decided to not only write but publish my posts. I committed to a schedule and decided to publish a post no matter what.

I am learning that all it takes is to show up and do the work. Show up no matter what.

When do I write? Currently, at night, after putting the kids to bed. Yes, I am exhausted from a full day’s work but I am committed to living my ideals. I am committed to publishing a post on Monday and Thursday each week. All it takes is showing up. Everything else falls into place.

Imperfection is ok. Just keep working.

Think of jazz musicians who commit to practicing scales hours daily. When they gig, the improvisations flow freely because they have shown up daily for the practice.

Tomorrow never comes.

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.”

Start now. Do it.

Draw that line. Burn the boat. March past that Point of No return.

And then watch as “Providence moves” to help you.

Practicing Commitment:
1. What do you need to commit to right now?
2. What do you need to help you draw that line in the sand? A Deadline? Support?
3. What boats do you need to burn?
4. When can you commit to no longer breaking your promises? Especially the ones you make to yourself?
5. What is the smallest step you can take to making your commitment?
6. Consider this quote by Sammy Davis Jr.: “You always have two choices- your commitment versus your fear”. What are you afraid of? How can you harness the power of choice to move forward?
7. Peter Drucker says,”Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes but no plans”. Mark your calendar. Write that plan. Then follow through. And share your experience.

See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Grace.

For a long time, I did not understand the concept of grace. I am a Christian so I have heard this word more than I can count. As a child, I heard ” By God’s grace” used when one really wanted something but couldn’t be certain of its occurrence. Sometimes it was to display humility when declaring a bold plan without wanting to appearing arrogant or presumptuous.

Merriam-Webster dictionary describes grace as “a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward; disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency; a pleasing appearance or effect”.

The most popular definition of Grace is “God’s unmerited favor”. This was my first understanding of it. I liked it. It is having someone like you without doing anything to gain it. You are loved and favored unconditionally and without merit. I liked that and it worked well for me.

Then, I came across a definition that rocked my world. Joyce Meyer described it as “God’s willingness to use His infinite resources to meet my needs”. For a long time this quote saved me from imploding from worry over my life, my desires and concerns. Knowing that God was willing meant that I wasn’t an inconvenience. I didn’t have to worry about bothering God. I am always provided for willingly. I just have to ask.

Now, I am mulling over Grace in a different way.

Grace. This time, not the noun, but the verb.

The dictionary describes the verb grace as “to do honor or credit to someone or something by one’s presence”. “to decorate or add beauty to something”.

You hear this all the time. For example, ” she graced us with her presence for years”.

For me, this is the missing link. Grace as a verb.

What I need the most is God’s presence. Sometimes, my needs are great and overwhelming, worries about career, parenting, relationships can haunt me…

But everything seems to fall into place… things fall into perspective when I can pull away and connect with God, in the middle of it all. It isn’t that my concerns are no longer important. It’s that my perspective changes. Like the astronauts in space seeing the earth as no larger than a thumbprint, my problems appear small and manageable from the change in perspective God’s presence brings.

When someone loves you, they grace you with their presence. Again grace comes from love. Remember, God Loves You (are you starting to see a trend here?).

So, going to that quiet, sacred space, whether surrounded by people or alone, is essential. God graces me with His presence and suddenly a certain ease or beauty is added to whatever I need to do or whomever I need to be.

Today, my friend was asking me how I am able to write with two young children at home (actually one of them has been vomiting all day), start a coaching business, finish a master’s degree, have hobbies, work from home and be present for my family.

I know that none of this would be possible without Grace. And when one has been Graced, one is able to show grace to others.

I know that it isn’t because I am smart or talented or particularly connected or organized, rich, resourceful, focused, pretty, ambitious and so on…

Whether I am or not, is actually irrelevant. What is important is that I have been graced by God’s presence and that gives me the ability to do what I do in spite of all the chaos swirling around me.

Consider grace defined as “a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward”.

Sometimes I sit down to write about an ideal, the writing sputters and spits, it is halting, my thoughts are disjointed… I pause and pray that I am plugged in to what needs to be written. Then suddenly, I am writing about something completely different and I am in the FLOW. The words come quickly and clearly, smoothly and I know that God has graced me with His presence. I still have to edit like crazy afterwards but grace makes all the difference.

And the wonderful thing about grace is that once you have experienced it, you can show grace to others. You can “decorate or add beauty” to another. You can also practice the ” disposition to act with kindness, courtesy and clemency”.

This is how I see Grace (noun and verb). I will be just fine. I am not alone. And I have everything I need. And I can help others experience it. You are not alone. You have everything you need. How will you practice and embrace grace today?

Practicing Grace:
1. What does Grace mean to you?
2. Which definition resonates most with you? Noun? Verb?
3. How can you embrace Grace today?
4. In what ways can you practice grace today?
5. What does showing grace to others look like for you?
6. 2nd Corinthians chapter 12 verse 9 says:”But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ” In what areas of your life do you need grace today?
7. Where is your quiet, sacred space? Can you get there when you need to?

See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”¹

My first day.

Bible study at a women’s group.

I found my table of 8, found a spot and sat.

I sat beside her. A smiling lady in yellow. And my life changed.

We became friends. Instantly.

It didn’t matter that I was 35 and she was 87. That I was new and she was a veteran. Or that we were several shades of skin apart.

We were kindreds. We recognized and loved each other immediately. And began sharing our passions.

Books…check. Politics…check. Humanitarianism…check.
Jesus… check. Global travel and interest in different cultures…check!

Francophile? check. For several years I had celebrated Bastille Day with full French culture immersion. Her birthday was Bastille day. We chuckled.

I was liberal to her conservative but it did not matter. We were bonded.

Tired of my habitual isolation, I asked the group to pray for me because I needed to find a mentor. Her hand immediately shot up. “I’ll mentor you!”

Wow, no one had ever said those words or taken ownership of me like that before. It was unique and special to me – this wholehearted willingness to be completely available.

Many invitations and visits to the retirement home. Long, meals. Really soulful phone conversations. I shared dreams I had never verbalized before.

She was the first to recommend I seriously consider writing. And no matter how much I tried to brush it off, she never relented.

I felt like the Ruth to her Naomi and was willing to follow her everywhere.

Then, the news.

Cancer.

Chemotherapy.

Longer visits.

Sense of urgency. Denial. Hope.

Laughter. Sense of normalcy.

I promise to visit after finishing a term paper. She reschedules.

Another long conversation. “I love you. I love you too.”

Excitement over the next visit.

Instead, a phone call.

Yes, she’s gone.

Numb. Speechless. Empty.

Grief. Anger.

Heart door shut. Never love like that again.

They all leave. And they leave your heart in pieces.

Or do they?

The thing is, my friendship with Mrs Ginger Cage saved me. I was in a dark place.

Wounded and raw.

She was willing to take me a stranger, an outsider who was just drifting aimlessly after a series of failures.

She was humble, principled, generous, nurturing, wise, strong, passionate yet gentle and accepting… I had never met anyone with such dynamic and poetic contrasts in character.

And her wholehearted, no-holds-barred acceptance and constant invitation to spend time with her, healed old wounds of rejection, abandonment and inferiority.

She came into my life at just the right time.

She was willing to share her life, she was open and willing. I never felt as if I was imposing. She wanted me there. And she never judged a single opinion I shared even though we were at the opposite ends of the political aisle.

She loved me.

And I loved her. I still do.

And I learned later that she did this with many others who were lost like I was. Each person felt like her favorite. And this is why Maya Angelou’s death impacted me so greatly. Her relationship with Oprah reminded me of mine.

Ginger was so loving that people were naturally drawn to her and would hang on her every word.

She was Godly, Inspiring, Noble, Loving, Engaging and Rare!

I am so grateful she had such a willing and open heart!
Because of her, I decided to be more open and willing to share my life with others. It is a practice. Sometimes challenging. But I am determined to be more emotionally available and connected to those around me.

R.I.P. Ginger! I miss you!

Three years pass…

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”” ²

I find myself at a playground, chatting wholeheartedly with a new friend… Interesting, world traveler, lover of books, studied math, loves theology…

“Oh, you do?” “Me too!”

An hour passes, I am still enrapt and we are excitedly finishing each other’s sentences…

Heart cracked wide open.

By the way, She’s 87!

Here we go…

Practicing connectedness:
1. In what ways could you practice connectedness this week?
2. Do you have a willing heart? What would that look like for you?
3. Do you have An open heart? What would being open look like?
4. How do you isolate yourself? Do you need a friend? Whom can you to reach out to?
5. Does someone need your friendship? What are practical ways you can serve others?
6. Sometimes it takes a smile or a hello – how can you practice being friendly this week?
7. What do you need to make you feel connected? Prayer, Support, Encouragement? Let someone know.

“See” you next time!

1. Albert Camus
2. C.S. Lewis

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Dignity – The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.¹
To signify that a being has an innate right to be valued and receive ethical treatment.²

I am part of the Wholehearted Revolution and a huge fan of Brene Brown, whose groundbreaking work has greatly transformed my life.

In her recent Gifts of Imperfection ecourse (based on the book), she said something that was both simple and profound – “Your story matters because you matter.”

Yes, You.

I am not sure why that struck me so deeply – I had heard similar sentiments before…

“Yvonne, you have an amazing life story. Share it.” Oh you should write a book!” “Why don’t start a blog?” “You belong on TV.” “OMG, You’re a mini-Oprah!” “Ok, Black Joyce Meyer!”

You get the picture. People have no filters when talking to me… I digress…

I didn’t understand why it was necessary for me to share my story. There were enough writers, bloggers, personalities out there. Yes, I do have an amazing life story and I am only here by God’s grace. But well-intentioned as my encouragers were, they were missing something. And I was missing it too.

Your story matters because YOU matter.
My story matters because I matter.

Several months ago, I received repeated requests to share my story from some people I love. It felt like a one-sided relationship and I felt like afterthought. As a member of a group in which I felt no one cared, I didn’t feel the urge to jump out and bare my heart. I felt hesitant, even strange about sharing my story with people whom I felt wouldn’t even acknowledge I existed. But since I didn’t fully understand what was going on, I never tried to articulate what I was feeling. I just brushed the feelings aside and guarded my heart.

But my focus was wrong. My feelings were valid, yes. But whether I tell my story or not does not depend on how I feel others are treating me. It does not depend on whether others care about me.

It wasn’t until I heard Brene Brown that I understood and had the right words.

My story matters because I matter. Not because I feel my story is not interesting, or that others don’t care to hear it or whatever excuse I drum up for myself. I exist. Therefore I matter. And my story matters.

You matter. You are worthy of honor and respect. You have an innate right to be valued.

So, no matter what happens – whether you are ignored, insulted, gossiped about, humiliated… Your inherent value is not diminished. You are a masterpiece. You are worthy of honor and respect.

You have a right to exist.

Your story matters.

When you allow others to make you feel small, remember that this is YOUR feeling. It doesn’t change who you are.

Eleanor Roosevelt says “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

So take back that consent form. Take back that permission slip that allows others to make you feel small. Stand tall, take a deep breath and embody your highest, best and truest self.

Today, my 6 year old daughter was harrassed at a playground. At bedtime, we talked about it awhile.

I repeated the illustration I usually use to reinforce her self confidence.

“If you are holding a $20 bill and someone comes and snorts “Hmpf, that’s a worthless penny!” What would you do? If s/he repeats that over and over again, does it change the bill’s value? Would you stay and argue with them?”

My daughter always laughs at how ridiculous this story is and it always makes her feel better. But today, I really had to meditate on this.

I am not a victim and neither are you. We can choose whether to allow the negative states of others to influence us or to use our own positive states to influence our own narratives and others.

We don’t have to blame anyone. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and their best doesn’t necessarily mean my best. So, we move on.

As the saying goes… “Man’s rejection is God’s protection.”

You are a child of God. A masterpiece. You are worthy of love and respect. You are valuable.

And as the Wholehearted revolution says ” I am imperfect. And I am enough.”

Practicing Dignity
This week, let’s practice taking a deep breath and reaching for our highest selves no matter what situations we find ourselves in.

Questions to ponder:
What story are you telling yourself about a current situation?
Are you really being rejected or are you FEELING rejected?
Is what you are believing about this situation all in your head? Can you confirm it?
Can you create a new story? Can you replace or erase the old story?

And…
How can you embrace and affirm your inherent worth and value? How are you playing small? Who are you listening to? Whom are you surrounded by?

You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. You matter.
You are a giant. Stand tall.Walk away if you need to. Embrace and embody your dignity.

Share what you are learning in the comments section. See you next time!

1. Google
2. Wikipedia

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

You can’t give what you don’t have…

Before you can truly give love to others, you must first have love to give.

Or else, it can become dysfunctional, manipulative, clingy… An unhealthy twist that comes from a finite source. Often contaminated by fear…

But, to give love that is pure, unconditional, liberating, even healing, it helps to have a different source.

Where does that love come from?

Imagine a cup filled and running over… oceans, with waves crashing, one after the other…

Imagine the infinite universe, constantly expanding…

Actually, there are multiverses… many universes, with unfathomable constellations, new celestial globes discovered daily…

Now imagine, a Love that vast, even more…

That is only the beginning of God’s Love for you… Receive it. Really spend some time soaking it in…

Now imagine your heart filled and running over…

Yes, God Loves You. That simple. Unconditionally. Now matter what you have done, no matter where you’ve been, no matter where you are headed…

God Loves You.

This post was inspired by Maya Angelou who broke down in tears during an interview with Oprah as she shared the moment she truly realized God loved her.

Now what would your live look like if you really believed it? How would you love? How would you forgive? How would you connect?

How would it feel to spend some time basking in God’s love and letting it seep into your bones?

God loves You. God Loves Me.

Receive it. Then go give it.

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Maya Angelou died yesterday.

For some reason, this hit me much harder than I expected. I caught myself crying freely when I first read the news. And then, several times more, yesterday, after hearing her warm, strong, rich voice during a tribute on NPR. “Fierce grace” indeed”.

When I first heard the news, my first thought was, “Oh no…” and immediately, I thought of Oprah who had been so close to her. I had always admired their friendship in which Oprah describes Dr. Angelou as her “mentor, mother/sister and friend”. My heart ached for Oprah who I sensed must be grieving more intensely than we could possibly imagine.

I have been profoundly affected by Maya Angelou’s wisdom and personal story. Having watched countless interviews and read few of her books through the years, I felt a tremendous sense of loss. But the biggest effect so far has been on my decision to use my voice. Her death made me feel like standing up fully, using my voice and doing my very best from now on. I even started a twitter account.

I feel a deep admiration, respect and even kinship with her. The story of her being mute for several years after a rape by a family friend, her ability to reinvent herself over and over again with multi-passions and her strong sense of connection to the divine made me feel I could do anything my heart intended. She was a true Renaissance woman and a mentor to the biggest influence I have had since my late teens.

But like Oprah said in her tribute statement, accolades aside (and they were many – grammys, doctorates, a medal of freedom…), you could never forget how Maya Angelou made you feel. It is why Oprah said “she would always be the rainbow in my clouds…”

I have had one relationship like this. It changed my life. And this is why I feel Oprah’s pain…

I am a recovering friendly loner.I say recovering because I am trying to change this habit. Connectedness is #2 on my strengthfinders list. I love connecting like-minded people… It gives me a strong sense of fulfilment. When those like-minded people become great friends or collaborators, I feel pure joy. I also like making people feel included, like they belong in whatever group I am in.

Match-maker, match-maker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch! – Fiddler on the Roof

So, I love connecting and including people but I am a loner. I find it very easy to isolate myself. It can be confusing to others since I am very friendly… I really love people but I am very comfortable with solitude and rarely feel lonely. Being a third-cultured person, I have moved around my whole life and so I don’t feel a sense of belonging in any singular culture. I can be comfortable anywhere… this trait has saved me a lot of heart ache in the past.

But.

Things have changed. I have felt differently since my first child nearly 7 years ago. I find myself longing for belonging, a real sense of community, heartfelt connection. I find that I now need more out of my friendships – better boundaries, respect, reciprocity, positivity, love, joy, inspiration, support, honesty… I never thought about these qualities in my relationships. I never needed to. I was just happy to connect and make friends knowing I would be moving anyway.

I realize that most of my habits were suited for a nomadic life. But I am not that any more, I am now a settled nomad and that demands a new set of skills. I can’t survive on shallow relationships. No man is an island. I have had to learn to go deeper in my relationships. I wanted what Oprah and Maya had.

And in 2011, I found it.

It changed my life.

Then, I lost it.

How?

Come back on Monday to Learn about the relationship that changed my life. Until then, please ponder these and leave your comments below.
What habits are helping you practice connectedness? What habits are hindering your connectedness? What habits have you outgrown or evolved out of and no longer need?

See you next week!

Remember what Albert Schweitzer says – “Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them!”

Yvonne Whitelaw writes on Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By living her ideals and sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Let it go, Let it go, Can’t hold it back anymore!!!

I listen to my daughters belting their hearts out… Twirling and leaping… Repeating that infamous ear-worm from Disney’s “Frozen” over and over and over again!

Groan.

I take solace in knowing that almost every parent out there is going through the same pain and suffering… Even more embarassingly, there are those moments you catch yourself emphatically singing “…the past is in the past! Let it go!” and “Let the storm rage on, the cold doesn’t bother me anyway”…

Ah, Disney has really done it this time! Male and female, young and old, no one can fight the power of “Let it go” until they find an equally infectious song such as “Happy”, by Pharrell.

Despicable Me 2’s “Happy” lost the Oscar for best song to Frozen’s “Let it go” but its popularity rivals “Let it go”. It is my go-to song for a mood booster.

Can you see the metaphor? Holding on to resentment keeps us frozen in the past. We hold on the grudges and slights, misgivings and disappointments, letting the poison of unforgiveness seep through our bodies, minds and souls. We are frozen, numb, stiff. We punish ourselves and poison the new with the pain of the past.

I remember a quote about unforgiveness being like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.

Our backs are hunched with burdens we were never meant to carry. Burdens of grief, anger, guilt, shame, humiliation…

It is ok to grieve. By all means, please take the time to do so. But in order to live bouyantly, freely and authentically, we will have to release those burdens. Yes, we need good boundaries to protect us from toxic people and situations. But we also need to let go of the poison.

Let it go.

I love that in “Frozen”, a loving act saves the sister and breaks the spell.

Enter “Happy”. I have listened to that song zillions of times and I still don’t tire of it. I love the abandon, the unapologetic joy, the dancing…
Pure freedom!

Choose happiness over resentment. Choose positivity over negativity. Happiness is the truth like Pharrell says.

James 1:2 “Count it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds.”

I know that when I feel resentful or small, choosing to encourage or serve others brings me joy. What makes you happy? Music? Service? Writing? What ever it is,
do it.

Let go of the resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness. Unforgiveness contaminates everything you do, it clouds your vision and poisons your relationships and even shortens your lifespan.When thinking bitterly, Cortisol is released and it stresses your heart. The worst part is, the person you are mad at is somewhere eating ice-cream, oblivious of the pain and suffering you are going through, and probably could care less!

Some people think choosing happiness is trivial, silly, unrealistic and immature. Happiness is not being in denial. Choosing to be happy is courageous. You choose. And that choice can save your life. It frees up the energy bound up in negativity.

Harness this new energy to live your ideals and build the life you truly want.

Choose to be happy! Let it go!

Screens.

They hold our eyeballs hostage. Our imaginations captured by the mundane, the trivial, the distracting…

Oh look, a shiny toy!

Our friendships fritter, marriages decay, children neglected.

“Let’s hang out!” “Yes, Let’s do coffee really soon!” “Cool, let me know when works for you!”

Weeks pass.

A chance encounter.

Awkward silence. Vague acknowledgements. Weak attempts to reschedule…

Nothing happens.

The loneliness is overwhelming. Everyone is thriving on Facebook.

Look! A new wedding! Vacation in Bali!. Picture-perfect families!

“I’m engaged!” “A new job!” “Lost the baby weight!”

The screens suck you in. A welcome escape from the imperfections around you.

Bah, the snot rags, diapers, burned dinner, deflated cake…

Messy desk, late bills, missed deadlines, extra 10 pounds…

Silent phone, no comments on latest post, conspicuous zit…

Late for PTA, tissue under shoe, new hair on chin and bags under eyes…

156th job rejection, Laundry piles, dejection…

Stranger in the reflection staring back at you.

And the point?

Life is messy. We can compare up and hide in embarrassment because everyone else seems to be doing better than we are.

Or, we can show up and be present for the ones we love. Those who truly love you will be grateful for your presence, flaws and all. In fact, showing up, with your imperfections, allows others to show up as they truly are.

I will paraphrase Brene Brown who says, perfectionism is a mask that you use to keep you from being rejected but actually keeps you from being seen.

I read somewhere that 1 in 4 people suffer from loneliness.

Step away from the screens, show up and engage in your real life. Your presence just might save a life, if not yours!

How to practice presence:
1. Put aside all screens and distractions.
2. Pay attention to your senses. Take deep breaths.
3. Keep your eyes on your subject (no glaring or staring… you don’t want to weird them out, do you?)
4. Remember why you are doing this. Love. You really want to be present because you love this person.
5. Relax, smile, enjoy your self and focus on the positive.
6. Practice presence as often as possible.

How do you intend to practice presence today? Please share your thoughts below!

Generosity is the habit of giving without expecting anything in return (Wiki)

A clenched fist is one of the saddest images I know.

People grasp desperately, holding on to the little they have and afraid of losing what they have. Certain of impending, inevitable scarcity.

On the surface, this makes sense. But this arises from a mindset of scarcity.

What if there was an abundance mindset instead? A scarcity mindset is a false perspective. What if you had access to Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world? Not only that, what if Bill Gates was WILLING to give you access to all of his wealth, resources, etc? Would you give?

My favorite definition of Grace is from Joyce Meyers. This definition revolutionized my life. I can’t find the quote but I remember memorizing Grace as ” God is willing to use His infinite resources to meet my needs”.

In other words, there is always more where that came from.

So, we have access to God, or Source, or Spirit… I don’t really care how you describe God. God is Source and Spirit… But the important thing is that you have access to the infinite Source… Even the word “resource” indicates reference to the Source.

Giving is an acknowledgment of the abundant resources God has and that God is willing to use on our behalf. Even though you expect nothing in return, the very act of giving creates a current, a flow in your life.

When you hold onto something, your hand remains occupied. In order to give, You have to be able to unfurl your hand, expose your palm and let go of your grasp.

And when your hands are free, they are available to receive whatever you want.

“Give and it shall be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will it be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” – Luke 6:38

The most successful people I know are generous people. Look at Oprah. With her Angel Network, Leadership academy, Morehouse scholarships (to name a few), she has changed millions of lives. And, her wealth keeps growing!

What do you have to give? What keeps you from giving? You can overcome the obstacles that keep you from giving. Just remember, you can never out-give God!

Please leave a comment and Share how you intend to practise generosity today.

Crash!

Mother’s day…

There I was, deftly maneuvering my jogging stroller along the uneven sidewalks of Baltimore.

Run, Yvonne, run!

I had my new 26.2 app.

Nothing was going to stop me. It was Mother’s Day. My younger daughter had a fever. My husband and daughter were off to church. I had just finished streaming an awesome live sermon by Stephen Furtick. (It was on Pinterest and taking of the masks of perfectionism. Look it up.)

I was fired up.

Bring on the obstacles. Come what may, I will go out running. I can do this!

As I ran, people yelled “Happy Mother’s day”. It was fun. Seeing restraurants jam-packed with mothers and their loved ones, each mother beautifully adorned with flowers and their Sunday best.

And there I was sweaty, unadorned but happy to be out in the beautiful sunshine.

“Because I’m happy… come along if you feel like happiness is the____”

Crash!

My phone fell through the slats of a street drain grate, shattering on impact. Thankfully, I could still see the components of the phone lying on the brick floor 3 feet below, only a few inches from the drain pipe to the Chesapeake bay.

Yikes!

According to strengthfinder 2.0, my top strength is Strategic. So, in usual problem-solving creative mode, I ran to the nearby cafe and seeing a woman on crutches, I begged her. She graciously sat in a chair and let me borrow one crutch.

Seriously? Wow.

I ran back and tried to retrieve my phone components with the crutch. Every man who walked by me tried to help or offer suggestions. We tried duct tape. We tried the crutch at different angles. We searched for some high-reach hooks. Nothing.

45 minutes in the scorching sun.

Return crutch to poor injured lady sitting in a chair in the hot sun.

Finally, the young man who had been the most engaged helper tried a shovel. Success at last! We all cheered. New friends through this shared ordeal.

Moved and elated, I couldn’t thank them enough.

Home. Couldn’t find my keys. Are you kidding me?

Another stranger, walked up to my door with my keys. They had fallen out of the same stroller pocket which contained my phone. I thanked him.

I was so moved by the sacrificial acts of kindness from these men and one injured woman. They all sacrificed comfort and time on a scorching mother’s day to help a random woman who did not look like she belonged there. And I will never forget it.

How will you practice kindness today?

Here’s how:
1. Initiate contact.
2. Step out of your comfort zone.
3. Be Present. Your presence is more important than you think.
4. Give what you can, no matter how insignificant or small it appears.
5. Be bold. If you can give big, go big.
6. Stay the course. Follow through.
7. Smile. If you complain, or have an unpleasant disposition, the receiver will feel like a burden.

Remember, Kindness benefits not only the receiver but also the giver. Enjoy your weekend. Share your acts of kindness (either received or given) below!

“Everyone is at the mercy of another’s dream”- Sam Baker

Uproar.

223.

Nightmare engulfs daylight.

Still missing.

Politics, discourse, rumors…

Talking heads.

Twitter.

Protests. Deluge. Obsession.

Furor. Nonchalance. Confusion.

Noise. Frustration, Confusion…

Revolt. #Bringbackourgirls. Solidarity

Red.

Tears. Hugs. Silence.

Blessed are those who mourn…

Comfort.

Peace. Hope. Change.

Home.

Dreams restored.

Justice.

Grace.

More grace.

Healing.

Purpose. Wisdom. Free.

Finally. Free.

I wanted to write about Reverence but I couldn’t.

I began writing about Resilience but I couldn’t.

I can’t stop thinking about those girls… 223 Nigerian Girls kidnapped from their beds, at school, at night…

I think about the horror they must have felt as strange men grabbed them roughly, speaking harshly, probably in a foreign language…

Pushing, shoving, tugging, screaming, wailing…

Chaos.
Confusion.
Fear.

Darkness. Unspeakable horror.

Day 21.

Shiva times 3.

I can’t imagine what their parents are going through. Dashed Dreams. Fading hopes of ever seeing their daughters again.

Fear.
Frustration.
Anger.

Blessed are those who mourn…

The Stages of Grief strike suddenly, in order, out of order, and then, numb.

Numb.

Better than Denial. Unfeeling because the pain is overwhelming.

Sorrow.

Prayer.

Please.

Do Something. Anything. Help me. Find my daughter.

Find my daughter.

Find her.

(To be continued…)

“Gotta Have Faith, Gotta have Faith-a, Faith-a, Faith-a!”

Yes, I went there… You know you have belted that song out before – proudly, strutting your stuff when you thought no one was watching!

George Michael was on to something.

I love the Bible’s definition of faith in Hebrews, chapter 11, verse 11. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (King James Version) or “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (New International Version). Wikipedia adds that it is “belief not based on proof”.

There is no evidence, but we believe.

We all have faith. Every single one of us. We all have hopes and dreams – and that is all they are – hopes and dreams… ethereal, unseen… But we hold on, we grasp at them as if solid, substantive, real.

Faith, is our hopes, our dreams becoming real to us.

Remember learning about deposition in science class? I can still see the Iodine vapors solidifying into black iodide crystals. On a cold day, water vapor, even your breath can form ice crystals on glass. Faith is the same way. It is the solid evidence of our unseen hopes and dreams.

But there is something else. “Faith without works is dead.” (James 2:17) I used to dislike this verse because it made me feel so guilty! I am such a dreamer. And the dreams can be overwhelming. So many dreams! But I now have a deeper appreciation for this verse. While actions do not replace faith, you can only show your faith by your actions. You can have all the hopes and dreams, and even have faith. But without action, that faith, that evidence of your hope and dreams, dies.

During my quiet time today, I stumbled across a verse I had never seen before. I gasped because it was so profound. “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself in love” Galatians 5:6b. It is the only thing that matters. Faith expressing itself in love. So, ground your actions in love. It all comes back to LOVE.

My absolute favorite Indiana Jones’ scene features him stepping off a cliff. In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, his father, Henry Jones disappears while searching for the Holy Grail. Later, he was found dying and Indy was forced to risk his life in order to retrieve the Grail and save his father. This required crossing an invisible bridge over an abyss to get to the Grail.

Indy had to step off a cliff in mid-air, putting all of his weight forward, even though he could see no bridge to hold him. There was no evidence of a bridge there. He only needed his faith that he would be and his love for his father to make him step off that cliff. And a bridge miraculously appeared. And in the end, he recovered the grail which ended up saving his father’s life.

So what do you believe in? In what is your confidence? Is there a bridge waiting for you? Are you acting on your hopes and dreams? Or are they just stuck in your head? What steps of faith can you take today? Whom do you love? Who will suffer or die if you don’t act on your dreams today?

Live Your Ideals Faith Action Steps:
0. Get help: Ask God for guidance and help in living your faith. Without this step,
nothing else matters.
1. Get clear: Write down all your Hopes and Dreams.
2. Get focused: Pick 3 you will regret not doing if you had only 6 months to live.
3. Get brutal: Now pick only 1 dream. You know the one that wakes you up at 3am.
4. Get creative: Brainstorm all the ways you can take action of that dream.
5. Get busy: Take action. Step Out. The bridge will Go from gas to solid. Embody the change you want to see and work that dream.
6. Get accountable: Post your plans in the comments below so we can support you. Or tell a safe positive friend your plans.

Yes, I realize that I started the article with George Michael and continued with tons of bible verses and Indiana Jones. This is who I am. You never know who I am going to quote next!

Now go back to step 2 and pick another dream.

Do it Now. Your “faith-a, faith-a, faith-a” depends on it! Your life depends on it!

This post marks my “Daring Greatly” moment. My blog was private for all posts prior to this one. I was too afraid… Until I realized recently that every day is a gift. I could be dead the next minute. This website is far from ready. I am still learning about WordPress. But I would regret not being brave enough to share these posts, however imperfect, with you.

I am a huge fan of Brene Brown’s work. I once heard her describe courage as sharing your heart. In “Daring Greatly”, she says “Courage Starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen”. So, here we go, I am going to risk being seen.

Here is my intention – LOVE. I started this blog to chronicle my journey into living my ideals, becoming who I have been designed to be, heading True North. As I step out into the Arena, as I step out from the shadows into the Light, I step out with Love. It is not about me. It will never be about me. I will make mistakes. I am human. It is all for Love.

I am honored to be a willing vessel for God’s message of Love. I will share my heart, shine my light, stand up and speak my truth so that you will understand that there is always hope. No matter what you are going through, Your life has purpose. And if you will listen to that still small voice, you too can stand boldly and live authentically. So, if my writing resonates with you, I hope you will join me in taking a courageous stand. Share your heart. Stand tall. Risk being seen. Do it today. You could be dead the next minute. So, DO it now. Together, let us pledge to live purposeful lives, growing fully aligned with our ideals one post at a time.

Today, I turned 38. Yes, I am public about my age. I am grateful for every single moment I am alive. For some strange reason, I thought I would be dead by 28. I am grateful for the past decade – every single part of it. Some get upset about their birthdays, seeing aging as a source of shame and pain. I see wisdom, mastery, grace, elegance and character in the elderly. So many stories to hear, so much to learn… I really enjoy the company of the elderly – in fact according to my interests (Masterpiece theater, anyone?), Google has me pegged as a good old American baby boomer! Awesome!
I digress…
I spent my birthday joyfully… embracing the things that energized rather than drained me. I am learning that it is not enough to do the things you are good at, you have to focus and cultivate the activities that energize you, that strengthen you. Those are your true strengths according to Marcus Buckingham.

I also learned from Jesus, Oprah, Brene Brown and Karen Walrond that I can increase my joy by practising gratitude.

So, what did I do today? As many things that bring me joy as I could fit in the day.
Meaning, All of today’s entries in my gratitude journal.

I sang silly songs with my daughter, went for a long walk through natural neighborhoods, went to a children’s bookstore and the local library, coached my teenage friend through some creative writing about her immigrant experience, edited this blog, played my guitar, chatted with family members, spent quality time with husband and kids, ate yummy gluten-free yummy food at Sweet 27, Recording a new song with hubby and some more quality time with him.
By counting my blessings daily, I increase my joy! I am so joyful today! Thank you God for another wonderful year!

I heard him before I saw him playing the electric guitar and singing his heart out. I recognized a kindred spirit right away. I was on my way to the National Zoo in DC with my two daughters. But I ended up mesmerized for nearly an hour by this ridiculously talented 60-something year-old man.

I mentioned his age because I have used my age as a pithy excuse countless times… I am too old to play guitar, I am too old to learn to play electric lead guitar the way I hear it in my head… Yes, ten years ago, I dreamed that a zombie-like Jimi Hendrix forced his way through my car’s sun roof. He was covered in dust and hitchhiking, and as I took an exit off the highway, he forced his way into my car uninvited… No one can miss the obvious meaning of the dream – music forcing its way into my life, no matter how I try to ignore, shun or suppress it!

I digress…

This baby-boomer was killing it! He was playing lead guitar outside the Woodley Park metro stop… rock and roll, blues, 80s wuss rock, he played them all imperfectly with a determined recklessness… He didn’t seem to care whether we paid attention to him or not. He just played.

I stood there, head banging and toe-tapping. I couldn’t help myself. I was moved. I was inspired. I was rocking out with him.
Being a guitar nerd, I drooled over the tone of his Fender Stratocaster… It sounded just like Jimi Hendrix (on Angel) or Jimmy Page (on Ramble On) and I said I loved the sound of his fender.

“Oooh, watch out now! ” He joked and I realized I sounded a little too earnest.
“I own one”, I replied. And immediately added that I hadn’t played it for a while.
“You own one and you don’t play it?” He asked incredulously. I loved Fenders and bought one after years of coveting others’ Strats. Finally, while pregnant in 2012 (sounds like a song title), I impetuously bought a Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster, but could never quite bring myself to play it. I guess on a deeper level I didn’t think I deserved to play one.
But That moment outside the metro, I decided to give myself permission to enjoy the things I loved to do. I will dust off my treasured Fender and play my heart out -noo matter how imperfectly I sound.

What do you need to give yourself permission to enjoy? What makes you come alive? Why aren’t you doing it?

The thing is, my guitar is gently weeping as I am getting older and older, making more and more excuses…

Use your talents. Just write the song, tell the story… bake the pie, draw that scenery… Just thread that needle! Like Jesus said in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:29) “For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

Do it. Use your talents – every single one!

Don’t die with your music still in you. Die completely used up.

You have what it takes. The world needs you.

Stop crying. Grab that guitar (or needle, or pen) and play!

What do I really want to say?

Be warned: I am about to bare my soul…

I started this project because I wanted to find out if I could live really my calling. I believe everyone has a calling. We are put here for a divine purpose and it is our responsibility to find out what that purpose is and live it fully.

But on a deeper level, I had doubts. I doubted whether I deserved or was capable of living my calling. Those unconscious doubts were keeping me from living authentically.

For several years, through medical school and public health school, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was not living my calling. I was living a life based on expectations- some self-inflicted, others from well-meaning loved ones…

The questions were relentless. Why am I lying awake at night, heartbroken over unspoken, unacknowledged dreams? What is this yearning, gnawing at my soul? And why was I too ashamed to acknowledge it? Why aren’t I living my calling? Is it even okay to dream? Why am I so afraid of ridicule and rejection? Are these desires a waste of time? Why can’t I shake them?

See, my resume states that I am a doctor or medicine and a master of public health. Many would gladly sacrifice an arm to have any of those degrees. But at heart, I am also a musician, a reader, a writer, a coach, a teacher, a dancer and a traveler. I probably don’t do these very well because they are “hobbies” and I am self-taught – so they can’t possibly be my callings, right? Or can they? What gives? Which way do I go? Who is the real me?

I am also an immigrant, a third culture chick, a global citizen… For immigrants, the expectations and pressures to succeed as professionals are extremely high.

But the dreams never really go away, do they? I know physicians who become comedians, rock stars, chefs, hip-hop dancers, soccer players, dramaturges, astro-geeks, film directors when the white coats come off.
I have been told I have to be a physician to be taken seriously in the United States… I have been told I don’t have the right look for a rock singer/guitarist, that I don’t have what it takes to be a humanitarian, I am too ADD to succeed at anything and so on.

But My dreams have musically intricate soundtracks. I get energized when I motivate and encourage others to live their dreams… I am uber-ecletic… Like Janelle Monae says “Categorize me, I defy every label”.

So, what do you do, when you find your dreams don’t fit you or who you think you are?

This is why I am stepping out of my comfort zone and into the light. I choose to believe that you can live your true calling no matter where you come from or what you look like, American or international, professional or amateur, ADD or neurotypical, fat or slim, etc. These are all excuses designed to keep you small. And as Marianne Williamson says, “Your playing small does not serve the world”.

You matter. Your voice matters. Your dreams are valid and you deserve to live your true calling. You know the one, the one recurring dream that calls you in the middle of the night. I know it. I have found myself crying many times at 3 am (why at 3am, I have no idea!) I call it “the 3am muse – the Cry of Authenticity.”

Here’s what I believe: God has a calling for my life. I choose to show up every day and put my pen to paper. Let’s see what happens.

I was thinking about Love today. I had many epiphanies about this ideal and was really excited as I wrote them down. I couldn’t wait to share them with a friend. Those who know me well know I get super-geeky about aha! moments. I am so excited to share them. During lunch today, I was about to launch into my usual discourse about my latest aha! when suddenly, another epiphany blew through my mind and completely silenced me. Here it is…

When God looks at you, He sees His image… He sees Himself! We are created in God’s image, every single one of us. When God looks at me, it is as if He is looking in the mirror and seeing Himself!

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see the flaws, the wrinkles, something to correct, or complain about? Or do you see God? When you look at your friend, the stranger on the street, that annoying co-worker, what do you see?

It’s like that children’s book by Eric Carle- “Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?”

My friend, my friend, what do you see? I tell you what I see… I see God staring at me!

Having an aha! moment about this post? Share it in your comments below?

In order to truly disrupt the sleepwalking cycle, you have to make one decision. Commit to being your true SELF.
In order to be your true self, you will have to commit to S-E-L-F in all you do.
S-E-L-F stands for Show Up, Engage, Listen and Follow through.

S: Show Up. Truly show up. Be present. Someone once said showing up is 99% of success in life. Be fully present. Be available to your life. Joyce Meyer says, “God is more interested in my availability than my ability.” Think of it. If you have all the resources of the universe at your disposal, and you don’t even show up, then, you don’t have access to those resources, do you? You have to show up to gain access.
I once auditioned for a prestigious choir during my undergrad studies. Being a new immigrant, I was flummoxed when asked to sing the national anthem. I was embarrassed because I did not know it. Then I was asked to sing any song and I shyly sang the “Happy birthday” song. To this day, I do not know if I made it into the choir. Why? I never showed up to find out. I was so humiliated. I found out many years later, that the auditions were just to weed out tone deaf applicants. I learned that they almost always let you in. I never showed up, so I missed out on a terrific opportunity. Maybe you are afraid, or feel inferior, like you don’t know enough. But, like Marie Forleo says,
“Everything is figureoutable.”

E: Engage. We are so distracted. Our eyes are glued to screens. Dr. Ned Hallowell calls it “Screen Sucking”! Fingers constantly fidgeting, we crave our gadgets, reaching for our addictions… Escaping and numbing with food, screens, shopping, anything to keep us from dealing with the pain of being ourselves, living our so-called mundane lives. There is always something beckoning, promising some excitement… Something better, greener, stronger, more HD…
Brene Brown calls it avoiding shame and vulnerability… Armoring up, we pretend to be too cool for school, but we are running away from our own lives.
Dare to turn off the distractions and engage. Dare to stop numbing your self. Roll up your sleeves, do the work your live deserves. Be goofy. Be excited. Risk being uncool. Risk being so excited you are uncool! Be fully present. Go all in. Pay full attention to what is in front of you.

L: Listen. What is your life telling you? What are your patterns? What have you lost? What do you have? What are you doing? What are your strengths? What are the people around you saying? Listen to your life. What are your hangups or recurrent mistakes? What is your kryptonite? What are you missing? Who do you want to be? What are your ideals?

F: Follow through. Pick up the tips, the lessons, the advice… Apply them to your life. Let go of that toxic friendship. Stop that destructive habit. Pick up the phone and call that parent. Buy that book. Take that class. Create and work that budget. Smell that rose. Do something about the insights you received when you listened to your life. Don’t go back to sleep. Don’t go back to numbing. Don’t eat the seeds of wisdom you have received. Cultivate them and Let them grow instead. Then you can eat the fruits of harvest later.
It will not be easy. But it will be worth it.

How are you going to be true to your self? In what ways will you Show up? Engage? Listen? Follow through? Please share your comments below. Thanks!

What do you do when you suddenly realize you have been asleep? When you startle awake, you experience many states. Confusion, disorientation… You temporarily forget where you are and wonder how you got there, for how long you have been there and for how long you had been sleeping.

Maybe you are in class or at work, you wonder who saw you sleeping, what you missed – whether it was important or not, whether you can recover what you lost, whether it will happen again…
So many questions whiz through your mind – some trivial, some mundane, others grave…
“Did I drool?” “Do I still have drool on my face, on my desk?” If you were driving, you wonder, “Did I hurt anyone? Am I hurt?”

I remember watching the movie “Sleepwalk with Me” featuring Mike Birbiglia who really has a sleepwalking disorder in real life. Once he jumped out of a window from the 2nd floor of a hotel, while fully asleep!
Sleepwalking comes with a price that often becomes costlier and deadlier each time.

Don’t miss it.

Sleepwalking through your life is deadly.

You are a danger to yourself.
You are a danger to others.
You will continue to experience costlier and deadlier consequences.

You are robbing the world of that unique contribution, that positive impact that only you can create with your gifts, strengths, skills and talents.

Dare to snap out of it and be your true self.

Next post will show you how to be your True Self. See you next time! If this resonates, Please Leave your comments below.