“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

Honesty is one of my favorite ideals.

When I was younger, I often got in trouble for my earnestness. Sometimes, I didn’t have to say a word. My face usually said it all.

The quote “Honesty is the best policy” by the beloved Benjamin Franklin has become a license for some to say whatever they want, whenever and however they feel like it. In the past, before choosing to a wholehearted life, I have been known to say “I’m just being honest” and “I just tell it like it is.

We declare that we are “plainspoken” or “brutally honest” with gusto and bravado as half-hearted attempts to express authenticity while hoping to be taken seriously.

We overshare on social media, ranting and raving, each trying to outdo the other with so-called truth-telling. Flashing our badges of honor with good intentions but…

It doesn’t quite work out, does it?

The thing is, life can be complicated. Conflict can be quite tricky with the ones you love. There is more at stake with those closest to you. The ones closest to you have the greatest capacity to hurt you, wound you deeply, betray you…

Is it any wonder that we cringe and brace ourselves for the worst when we hear someone start with”To be brutally honest…” Intuitively, we know, we are about to get hit.

Brutal honesty does not work.

Honesty is derived from the word “honor” and means truthfulness, sincerity, frankness. Honor – “respect, high esteem.” Brutality – “savage, physical cruelty”(M-W Dictionary)

I think we focus so much on the “truth” part, which is quite necessary, we forget the “honor” part.

Brutal truth without the honor, without allowing someone their dignity as you tell the truth is cruel and insensitive.This isn’t about saying what you think the person wants to hear. It is telling the truth with grace, respect, sensitivity and honor.

Brutality is violent, shaming and toxic. Most of the brutal honesty is a mask for vulnerability. You don’t want to be perceived as weak. You don’t want to get hurt. The emotions might be too raw so the brutality takes the edge off.

Sometimes, we maul the ones we love with our brutal honesty.

When a conversation results in shame, you can expect one of 3 “shame shields” if the recipient has not done work on shame resilience (Brene Brown). The person will either lash out (moving against), withdraw (moving away) or people-please (move toward). When you see this happen, you will know something is amiss.

No, you are not responsible for the person’s response. You are responsible for how you deliver the message. There are many ways to communicate an idea. How you choose to do so is up to you.

This has been a tough challenge for me. I dislike conflict. I worry about hurting others with the truth. In my pre-wholehearted life, I would do everything to avoid conflict. I admit that because I had a history of ruminating over my emotions, thinking them through, trying to decipher what went wrong, cull inherent lessons or mull how to deal with an issue.

I could go a long time without addressing an issue and then suddenly it would become too much. Then I would address it and my response would seem to have come out of nowhere.

So I swung in the opposite direction. I began trying to tell it like it is… New skills, awkward handling of new tools… Blasting out truth bombs here and there, leaving a trail of tears in my wake. I have since learned that truth-telling is a skill. And as with everything else, practice makes perfect.

I have spent the past few years learning how to address conflict in a healthy way. I sometimes make mistakes but this is an area in my life I am determined to master. I spent too many years simmering in resentment rather than addressing conflict.

Yes, I did swing too far to the other side. But I am determined. I am learning to do so with love. Choosing to honor the person I am addressing. Choosing love and respect over disdain and contempt. I am choosing courage over fear.

Choosing to try again and again.

How about you?

Everyone deserves to be treated with honor and dignity.

Same goes for you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Next week, we will talk about what happens when you are on the receiving end of someone’s brutal honesty.

However, I truly believe that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.

As wholehearted warriors, it is up to us to break the dysfunctional cycles. It is up to us to choose the high road. Wholeheartedness entails speaking your truth, with courage, vulnerability and purpose.

It means apologizing when necessary.

It means being intentional with your words. Choosing courage. Choosing vulnerability. Really showing up and allowing your true emotions to be seen. Risking sensitivity. Choosing authenticity.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters” ― Albert Einstein

Honesty is still the best policy. How you practice it is up to you.  How will you cultivate honesty today?

Practicing Honesty:
1. On what part of the spectrum are you? Brutal honesty or Dancing around the truth? Or telling the truth with grace.
2. In what ways have you been brutal to others?
3. Can you forgive yourself?
4. Is there anyone to whom you need to apologize?
5. How can you practice wholehearted honesty today?
6. Is the brutal honesty masking your vulnerability? What would happen if you really expressed how you felt?
7. In what ways do you need to break the cycle?

Think about it. Leave your answers in the comments below! See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

Still thinking about Robin Williams, I am posting this song I wrote in 2004. Hope it brings comfort and hope to someone. Love, Yvonne

Seventeen                    by  Yvonne Whitelaw 3/11/2004

 Verse 1

He said he didn’t want to walk away

“Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.   Be honest and frank anyway.” – Kent M. Keith

I just learned about Robin Williams.

I am heart-shocked. This is the only way  I can describe how I am feeling.

Only yesterday, I watched Night at the Museum with my family. Robin Williams is a favorite and I have seen nearly all of his movies. I love his whipper-snappy, quick-witted slapstick comedy. He was also an incredibly adept dramatic actor. A huge talent that will be sorely missed. I just can’t imagine what his family is going through right now.

Suicide.

How devastatingly disorienting depression can be – a fog so thick that one sees death as the only way out.

I was in the middle of writing another blog post about honesty but I just couldn’t stop thinking about Robin Williams.

And how easily this could have been any one of us. We need one another. Desperately.

Honesty.

I have been thinking about isolation and loneliness. Disconnection is so easy nowadays. We are all connected digitally but suffering from increasing measures of isolation and loneliness.

Honesty.

“I miss you.” “Wanna come over”. “Let’s hang out.” “I am lonely.” “I need a hug.”

Honesty.

Vulnerability takes courage. Reaching out is something I really need to work on.

And Robin Williams has just reminded me of this in a sobering way. Rest In Peace Robin Williams.

Practicing Honesty:

1. What do you desperately need right now? Honestly.

2. Who do you need to reach out to and honestly share your needs and concerns?

3. Who needs your attention or help?

4. What can you offer? Presence, listening ears, a kind word, helpful action?

5. If you suffer from depression, please know that you are not alone.  Please call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

6. In what ways can you practice self-care today? Rest? Solitude? Reflection? Nourishment? Play?

7. What small step of honesty do you need to take right now? Do it.

Take care of yourselves, friends. Connect with your loved ones.  Tell them how you really feel. See you next week.

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“If you are going through hell, keep going. ” – Winston Churchill

You did it. You made the decision to go after your dreams. You cut your losses and went for it. All in.

And then you failed.

“Hmm, it must be a fluke”, you think.  “I will try harder.”  ” I’ll make more sacrifices.”

So, you try again. All in. Harder and faster than ever.

And again,  you fall flat on your face. With the world watching.

Now what do you do?

Crawl into a corner, hide in shame? Or dust yourself off and try again?

It recently hit me that I had been hiding in shame for a few years. I had no idea.

Having always been the pioneer, the role model, the shining example for my generation in my family, I was spoiled by success. Then, failure hit me “like a wrecking ball” again and again. And after a while I just hid, unable to bear the thought of another public whipping.

“Perseverance – continued effort in doing something or to achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition or delay in achieving success”  (Wiki, Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

I am learning about perseverance.

Perseverance  is the prerequisite for character, the key to  spiritual maturity.

The other day, I came across a verse on perseverance and nearly did a spit take. I had read it many times but it was the first time I really got it.

“…we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.” – Romans 5:3b-4

We all go through trials – extremely difficult times. Some self-inflicted, but many others not. Things get really hard and it would make sense to give up. One can only take so much of a beating before one has to hand in the towel. Some situations are so rough, no one would judge you for giving up.

You don’t need perseverance to go through suffering… suffering produces the perseverance. Think about it for a second. Suffering produces perseverance.

So don’t beat yourself up for the trials you experience. Yes, some might be from our mistakes. But more often than not, trials spontaneously happen, difficult times strike without warning. The last thing you should be doing is beating yourself up.

In no way am I saying that suffering is a good thing. It is not. And to be frank, it sucks.

But.

It produces perseverance. I think of it like manure. Manure stinks. It is no fun to have around. It stinks, draws flies, etc. But it brings nutrients to the soil.

Suffering, trials, difficulties, produce perseverance.

Perseverance produces character.

Oswald Chambers says that “the strength is in the strain.”

Think of it this way. How would you know how strong you are? By knowing how much resistance you can withstand.

Consider weightlifting. You wouldn’t know how strong you were until you tried to lift weights.  So, I might say I am really strong and then go to lift a 200 lb bar. You would know the truth very quickly. Cars get tested. No one knows if the car is what is advertised unless there have been crash tests.

Perseverance, that ability to stay with something through the difficult circumstances, produces character.

So how do you become mature? By going through trials. I call it becoming spiritually buff. Sometimes, it feels a spiritual boot camp. Crisis after crisis, chaos and mishaps bombard you. Your life feels like a war zone. You don’t know if you are going or coming. There are just no words.

What do you do? I love the saying ” if you are going through hell, keep walking.”

You have to keep walking. Call someone you trust. Sometimes you reach out for help and there’s no one there. But you are never truly alone. I don’t know what your belief system is, and I am not going to tell you what to believe. But here is what I know for me. Everytime I have prayed for help, reached up for divine assistance, I have received it. It might not be in the way I expected but I have gotten help.

God is near.

All you have to do is ask. And keep walking.

Yes, you might be thirsty, get a drink. You might be tired. Get some rest. Take a break, sharpen the saw, then get back to chopping wood.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”― Maya Angelou

The world is filled with stories of people who triumphed because they did not give up.

Churchill. Edison. Lincoln. Mandela. Mother Theresa. Gandhi. Maya Angelou.

Your life has purpose. And because you are alive, you have a story to tell. You have work to do. And you have to keep on moving.

Cry if you need to. No judgment here. I will cry with you.  But keep walking. Sooner or later, you will get to the other side, with battle scars yes, but also, an incredible story to tell and the renewed hope that life is worth living.

So, “Keep calm, and carry on”.

Practicing Perseverance
1. What trials, obstacles, difficulties or challenging are you currently facing?
2. How do you see them? Never-ending? Hopeless? Opportunities for growth and maturity?
3. Pick a current situation. What would practicing perseverance look like for you?What small step can you take now?
4. Prayer can give you access to the strength to persevere. What words of prayer can you whisper now?
5. Can you think of anyone who has earned the right to hear your story? How can you reach out to them?
6. Sometimes trials can get really intense and one can get worn out from the battle. What time can you carve out for rest, solitude and self-care?
7. Can you think of a time when you overcame? How did that victory feel? Write down that experience and draw on it for hope in your present situation.

Marie Forleo says, “The world needs that special gift that only you have.” Dare to rise up again and again after each failure. In life,  crash tests are inevitable. You are alive for a reason. Hang in there, hope is near.  See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

This is me showing up, fighting against the odds, standing up and letting my voice be heard.

Even if all I have to say is “Present”.

How about you? Where do you need to show up, even if it means being imperfect? What do you need to say? What if silence will suffice?

Don’t let perfectionism rob you of the good you can do today. Do the very best you can do and leave the rest for another day.

Have a great day!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Drudgery is the touchstone of character” – Oswald Chambers

We teach what we most deeply need to learn.

I believe this wholeheartedly. It is true for me. I began writing about ideals because I was not living mine. Every time I ran across the Albert Schweitzer quote “Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them”, I got chills.

Two years ago, I began studying ideals while homeschooling my daughter.  Not having any grandparents around locally, I wanted to ground her in some character-building values. As I wrote a comprehensive list of values from my internet research, I realized I need to spend some time studying these ideals for myself.

Why am I writing about character today? One word – DRUDGERY.

Drudgery – “Hard, menial, dull, uninspiring work. Boring, difficult, unpleasant labor.” (Wiki, M-W Dictionary)

I have struggled with finishing personal projects. I have a hard time with minutiae and tedium.  I struggle with consistently doing the little things without immediate results. Give me a difficult degree and I will pay the price, work hard and finish. But if I have my own music project, camera photos to upload or papers to edit, I have a harder time.

I recently took a week off blogging. I found myself tempted to extend the break. The distractions were ruthless. I could see my old habits rearing up their heads, beckoning for ” another slumber, another folding of hands” (Proverbs).

So, why bother showing up?

This work matters to me.

I am committed to living my ideals. I am committed to this blog. I know it will evolve and there will be more projects. But I love writing. The ideas come easily to me but I do have to find time to sit and write. And as I stated in earlier posts, my posts are usually written after a long, active (fun but exhausting) day with energetic kids and demanding work. I write after putting the kids to bed.

Consistency is an ideal I am committed to cultivating in my life. I want to show up. Day by day, moment by moment.

In the past, I would do everything I could to avoid the drudgery, the mundane, the routine… I was conflicted. I wanted to be spontaneous, to be able take off at a moment’s thought. And the idea of being predictable felt like a lead balloon over my head. What a bummer!

I did not want to work on my character. It never occurred to me. I thought that being a Christian, being moral and believing the scriptures would be enough. At 13 I thought I was set. I believed in Jesus and sat for the next 2 decades waiting to be changed. Then I became really frustrated when the changes I awaited would not come.

Oswald Chambers was right. “Drudgery is the touchstone of character”. Here is the longer quote.

“You have inherited the Divine nature, says Peter (v.4), now screw your attention down and form habits, give diligence, concentrate. “Add” means all that character means. No man is born either naturally or supernaturally with character, he has to make character. Nor are we born with habits; we have to form habits on the basis of the new life God has put into us. We are not meant to be illuminated versions, but the common stuff of ordinary life exhibiting the marvel of the grace of God. Drudgery is the touchstone of character. The great hindrance in spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do. “Jesus took a towel . . . and began to wash the disciples’ feet.” ”

My mentor calls me a visionary. It sounds more glamorous that it is. I dream big dreams. It is very easy for me to get lost in the future, in the world of possibilities, the “what ifs” of life…

I am learning to appreciate the beauty of routine and the power of drudgery. I am practicing gratitude for the mundane. My old ways pop up now and then. I am tempted to compromise in the dark. But I am learning that I can cultivate consistency in the darkest drudgery and I will be rewarded with a harvest of trust, connection, discipline, integrity and excellence to name a few.

How about you?

Drudgery is challenging and unglamorous. The dishes, bills, packing boxes, editing, laundry, taxes, pushups, obligatory phone calls can be overwhelming.  Take a deep breath, express gratitude, break your monstrous action items into tinier bits and keep working.

But.

Sometimes you need a break. Take it.

And then, it is time to wash some feet.

Go.

That is the true meaning of Character.

Cultivating Character:
1. What does Character mean to you?
2. What are your character strengths?
3. What old habits beckon to you? Who can hold you accountable to stay on track?
4. In what ways do you need to cultivate the Character you desire?
5. Do you struggle with drudgery? In what ways?
6. Spend some time thinking about the beauty of drudgery and routine in your life. Are there some mundane things you can be thankful for?
7. Spend some time with Oswald Chamber quote. …”The great hindrance in spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do.” What big things are you using to distract yourself? What small things can you do right now?

Being faithful in the little things is difficult. Showing up, day in day out, moment by moment is no easy feat. But you are not alone. You are surrounded by others, like us,  who are committed to building character. Reach out.  Cultivating Character does not always produce immediate rewards but the long-term impact is undeniable. Stay the course. And may the Force be with you!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

After 12 days  on the road, I am taking a much needed week off.  The intensely beautiful World Domination Summit in Portland Oregon,  and The Daring Way Training in San Antonio, Texas gave me so much to ponder, experience and enjoy.  And now, I simply need to rest.  In the Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown writes beautifully about “Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol, and productivity as self-worth”.

I am going to do exactly as she recommends! See you next week  wholehearted warriors!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them.” – Albert Schweitzer

Virtue – The daily habit, the practice of one’s values and ideals. – Wiki

I love this definition of the idea of cultivating and practicing ideals. Making virtue a daily habit is important. Consider the daily habit of brushing your teeth. When you don’t brush your teeth, your breath stinks. I believe that when you don’t practice your virtues or ideals daily, your life stinks.

I can hear some saying, “Wow Yvonne, you went there. That’s harsh!”

I understand the sentiment. I used to feel the same way. I thought I could live however I wanted and did not realize that my habits mattered. I thought some people got a secret memo that made them virtuous, excellent, righteous. I didn’t understand why some people seemed to find following their moral compasses easy, living rich, fulfilled meaningful lives. I, on the other hand, stumbled about, with my foot in my mouth, life in disarray and going wherever the wind blew.

Aristotle describes virtue is excellence at being human, a skill that helps a person survive, thrive, form meaningful relationships, and find happiness. Learning virtue is usually difficult at first, but becomes easier with practice over time until it becomes a habit.

I am a big fan of James Clear’s work on habits. And I am learning that your life is a series of habits. Since I had gotten into the habit of living unconsciously, my life was not working.
A few years ago, I woke up and realized I could no longer recognize myself. I looked at my life and realized I was completely off-course from where I wanted to be. I realized that I was unconsciously waiting for someone else’s permission, to lose the baby weight, to get my career going, or to build the right circle of friends.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

My life was not aligned with my core values. I decided to live my ideals. Like Schweitzer, “I decided I would make may life my argument.”

Now, I am not an expert on Ideals. Old habits die hard. I write about ideals because I want to learn more, to gain a deeper understanding of the ideals that are important to me and to embody them in a life fully aligned with my ideals.

As I mentioned earlier, this project is inspired by Albert Schweitzer’s quote. “Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them.”

Here is the thing about cultivation.

Imagine a garden in which you are growing, cultivating ideals, virtues, values.

When you plant a seed, it has to experience several stages of growth.
1. Darkness: When you plant a seed, you cover it with dirt. Imagine what the seed is going through. It is in complete darkness. Covered with dirt. Same goes for you. Maybe you have decided to cultivate a habit of some ideal. You look around you, it is dark. You have no idea what is going on. You can’t see what is around you. Confusion, chaos. Uncertainty. Darkness.

2. Decay and Death: The seed has to decay and “die” first. With decay comes the stench. And the seed is covered with dirt, decaying soil, fertilizer, worms. You and are frustrated because the situation you find yourself in stinks. It is messed up. Dysfunctional.And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, you actually fail at the habit. You are regressing instead of getting better. You are losing yourself, friendships, job, things are worsening.

3. Process: Then things are starting to change and although you don’t see any improvements you know that something is happening.

4. Transformation: More change is occuring. You are starting to cultivate the habit.

5. Stretching beyond comfort zone: Like the plant breaking through the soil above ground, you are starting to see progress. And reaching for the light. Gaining insights, getting deeper with the habit.

6. Fruitful: The bible says by their fruit, you shall know them. You are starting to reap the rewards of cultivating an ideal. you are showing up. You are living courageously. you are living a life aligned with your ideals and beginning to see the results. This yields to desire to cultivate new habits, new ideals. Desire to share with others.

7, Cyclical: You pick another habit and begin the process again.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Practising the Habit of Practicing Ideals:
1. What ideals are important to you. Can you pick your 5 core ideals?
2. Which one would you like to practice first?
3. What stage of the growth process do you find most challenging?
4. What mechanisms do you need in place to make it easy to practice that ideal.
5. What support do you have for this practice?
6. What is the smallest step you can take towards living your ideals?
7. What plan do you have for when you do stumble or fail?

Cultivating your ideals takes time and practice. You will fail again and again. You will also make progress. The key is showing up, again and again, moment by moment. Show up courageously. Fight the resistance. Let go of perfectionism. Just show up. And the bloom will come eventually. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Why not seize the pleasure at once? — How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!”
― Jane Austen, Emma

Spontaneity – the state of being spontaneous (done or said in a natural and often sudden way and without a lot of thought or planning).
– Merriam-Webster Dictionary

For the past several days I have been in Portland Oregon attending the World Domination Summit (#WDS 2014) hosted by the phenomenal Chris Guillebeau. An incredible event filled with informative workshops, effective trainings and inspiring talks by current thought leaders. It is an annual event attended by unconventional and , non-conformist world changers, idealists, entrepreneurs, creative professionals and artists. The core ideals of WDS are Community, Adventure and Service – which happen to comprise of mine as well. Attendees leave the conference inspired, equipped, energized and ready to change their corner of the world. I will write more about this event in later posts.

Thousands of interesting, quirky, wholehearted and fun characters attend this incredibly stimulating event. Among the many characters was the Poem Catcher. Originally from the UK, the poem catcher travels the world with a net (like the butterfly net) asking for poems. Some write poems on the spot. Others find him later with one on which they have spent more time.

I was on a cruise of the Willamette River when he walked by, cheerfully calling out for poems. Feeling inspired, I did something I had never done before. I whipped out my notebook and jotted a few lines and then, went searching for him. I found him chatting with a few new friends. I was just about to quietly slip my poem in his net when he stopped me and told me to read it aloud. Gaping, I stammered, frantically conjuring up an excuse. And then I stopped, smiled and proceeded to read it to my eager audience.

That deciding moment was magical. When I finished reading the poem, he smiled, said he loved it and thanked me. And then he let me drop the poem in his net. I left feeling expansive, inspired and changed.

Apart from minor edits for spelling and the title, here is what I wrote.

The Conformist’s Cry (originally titled “Hollow”)

Taller, taller grow the trees
Greener, greener lies the grass
In another’s yard.

Steeper, steeper the degrees,
Harder, harder coups de grace
play another card.

And the emptiness grows,
The more we acquire
And nobody knows
What they really desire

And there goes the dream
As time passes on
We cry for our dreams
As Time passes on…

As Time passes on…
As Time passes on…

What was it about the act of spontaneity that lit me up? There is a feeling of freedom that follows spontaneity. We sometimes need structure and planning in order to make time for the things we want to do. But sometimes just doing an unplanned activity, on the spur of the moment is liberating, exhilarating and transforming.

Life is fleeting. We never know our last moment. Yet we plan and plan every moment as if we know everything. We always want to be in control. It wasn’t that my poem was groundbreaking or particularly good. It was the fact that I seized the moment. I looked at fear and said, “No, not right now. I choose to be brave. I am going for it” and I did it. I am incredibly grateful for that.

I am also grateful that the Poem Catcher was gracious enough to say he liked it. But I am not sure it would have been particularly painful if he hadn’t said anything. We shared a moment there. He saw me hesitate for a brief moment. He watched me overcome my fear of being judged. I chose to live my ideal by diving right in, even though I could have been humiliated. And he affirmed and supported me in it.

My fears didn’t matter. I chose spontaneity through vulnerability. I allowed my heart to be seen in its imperfection by created a poem from a blank sheet and sharing it. And for that, I was rewarded with a sense of transcendence and connection.

Obviously, the poem wasn’t premeditated. When I whipped out my notebook, I had no idea what I was going to say. But I just did it.

What about you? Are you waiting to be ready for what you really want to do?

Sometimes, It just doesn’t matter whether you are ready or not. Jump! Just do it. And then, see what happens. Let go of those plans once in a while. Planning is good. But sometimes, it is wonderful to let go and jump into the unknown.

I did. And I will never be the same.

Practicing Spontaneity:
1. In what ways are you stuck in a rut?
2. What would it take to clear your agenda, schedule and plans for an hour and do something unexpected?
3. What is holding you back? Can you seize the moment?
4. What activities have you always wanted to do but couldn’t seem to find the time to do?
5. Like Brene Brown says in “Daring Greatly”, “What is worth doing even if you fail?”
6. What is the worst that could happen? Do you have anyone who can support you and hold you accountable as you practice spontaneity?
7. What small step can you take towards spontaneity today?

Spontaneity is a brave act. It means grabbing an idea by the tail and riding it. It could be a joy ride, or not. But you wouldn’t know unless you tried. And sometimes you need support for others to take that brave step. Ask for it. We need each other. Let’s practice spontaneity together, shall we? Take my hand and let’s Jump! Ready? Set? Go!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted kindred spirits like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Consistency is simply unwavering adherence to your principles.” – Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Sometimes, you are exhausted, sleep deprived, unsure of what to say.

But you made the commitment to show up. So, do you “break the chain”, cancel for now and show up excellently the next time? Or do you show up and give it all you’ve got, even though you can barely keep your eyes open?

How much is consistency worth to you?

For me, it is critical to show up if physically possible and give it my all. It might not be my best work. But it is even more important for me to maintain the consistent rhythm. Or else I know that it would be difficult for me to get back into that specific habit.

So here I am.

How about you? Do you dare show up?

Sometimes it means just sitting at the piano for 2 minutes. Putting on your sneakers and walking to the front door. Placing a stamp on an envelope. Writing one sentence on the computer.

Small, even tiny consistent action is exactly that. Action.

And consistent action adds up. Day by Day. Moment by Moment. That is my commitment today.

How about you?

Practicing Consistency:
1. What challenges keep you from being consistent?
2. What tiny step can you take today to practice consistency?
3. Would you rather show up imperfectly or skip now to show up perfectly next time?

You can live your ideals consistently. You have what it takes to show up and do your best. Just show up, take the first step. And the next. And the next. You can do it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Find a way” – Diana Nyad

Hope – a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
– an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Wiki)

At 64 years old, Diana Nyad defied all odds to complete her 110 mile swim from Cuba to Florida. Public failures, age, harsh even deadly conditions made her quest a seemingly insurmountable one. But her mantra “Find a way” helped her push past all the barriers to attain her awe-inspiring goal.

What do you do when things do not go as planned? How do you respond to failure?

Dejection, Hopelessness, Despair… Described as the opposites of hope. There three are never far behind when we experience loss, disappointment or failure.

I have always been a future-minded, optimistic, dreamer, hopeful pioneer type. One of my mentors describes me as “visionary”. I succeeded at everything I attempted, even those with the half-hearted efforts.

After an IQ test, I was placed in a pioneer class in a school for the gifted. Got into medical school after applying last minute on a hunch. Did the same for public health school. Had resounding success with my first community service project as an Albert Schweitzer Fellow.

As Oprah says, “Future so bright, it hurts my eyes!”

And then, in 2007, everything changed.

For the next 6 years, disappointment, failure, despair, dejection, hopelessness… Over and over again.

I spent 6 years wandering in a wilderness of sorts. My career had stalled. I couldn’t find a way forward. Since my identity had been so closely tied in with my career, I felt lost. It seemed my life was pulling me in another direction but I couldn’t leave the past behind. I kept trying to go back, to make things right. But it felt like the door was jammed shut. Getting a masters degree did not help.

What do you do when you find yourself with everything you have ever wanted and are still overwhelmed by an emptiness, a restlessness, a sinking uneasy feeling in your soul? What do you do when you feel as if something is missing?

Numb it? Work harder? Distract yourself with entertainment, relationships, shopping?

“May the God of Hope fill you with more joy and Peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ” -Romans 15:13

I turned to God. I was angry. I had worked really hard for 7 years and still could not make my life work. I had no desire to do the work I had trained so hard for. Old dreams still called me. New dreams beckoned. But I had lost my way.

I believe prayer changes things. I asked for help. I was desperate – overflowing with despair. I was ashamed. My peers were thriving professionals and I was still trying to figure things out. Always driven and motivated, I had gotten so used to success that failure was devastating to me. I knew I wanted to live a life aligned with my ideals but I didn’t know how.

“Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.”- President Snow, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

As I spent more time in reverence, my hope returned and my fears began to fade away away. I knew there was a way. I did not know how I was going to get there. But I knew I would find my way.

This blog is an account of my journey there. I do not know all the answers. I only share lessons from my experiences.

What will I be when I grow up? I don’t know. But I do know that as long as I can “find a way to serve”, like Albert Schweitzer says, I will be fine. This is what keeps me moving forward. Day by day. Moment by moment.

The fears come. But my hope is stronger. As long as I am alive, there is hope.

Same goes for you my friend.

Things might seem dark right now. That situation seems hopeless. You failed at yet another venture. Friends are laughing at you. You feel isolated. Broke. Unpopular. Sick. Confused.

We hang back from attempting our dreams because we have failed over and over again, disappointed ourselves and others… Or, others have broken promises, traumatized, teased, humiliated, excluded, shamed us…

Inadequacies, insecurities plague us… Not thin enough, not talented enough, too old, too young, not smart enough, not educated enough… The list is endless.

That list keeps us from living our ideals. And the world is filled with people living in “quiet desperation”.

Here is the truth. As long as you are alive, there is hope. Your life has a purpose. As long as you are alive, you have something to look forward to. There are countless stories of people achieving the impossible… One thing I know for sure is that there is always a way forward. Connect with God. Show up in your life. Quit crying over spilled milk. Acknowledge your fears. Learn from the mistakes and move on. Take the lessons with you, leave the rest in the past.

Doing these will keep the embers of hope burning.

There is always a way forward. Showing up is the first step.

Practicing hope:
1. What has been the greatest source of hope for you?
2. Have you experienced hopelessness?
3. How can you embody more hope in your life?
4. What small step forward can you take today?
5. What does “Find a way” mean to you?
6. What can you do to serve the hopeless around you?
7. In what ways can you work with an accountability partner to keep you hopeful?

Hope finds a way. Keep your hope alive! See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Sensitivity – The strength of emotional or physical reaction in people. (Wiki)

“The world is a devastating place. You must learn to protect your emotions to prevent matters both in law and love, from devastating you.” – Lord Mansfield from the Movie “Belle” (2013)

Sensitivity.

A beautiful and charged word. For the longest time comments were thrown at me, judging me fro being sensitive… The words were harsh, well-intended but painful… Some meant to protect me. They saw an emotionally sensitive person who needed to armor up to protect from the harsh realities of life.

“Oh, you are too sensitive!” “Why do you have to cry right now? Can’t you master your emotions?”
“Tone down your voice.” “Why do you care so much? Do you have to feel everything?”
“You are such a bleeding heart liberal.”

And my all-time favorite – “You care too much to be a surgeon.”
I have tried to stifle the sensitivity. I numbed it out. Tried to pretend I didn’t care.

But I did care.

I believe that sensitive people are the sensors, the alarms, the sirens of the world.

Sensitive people are specially designed to alert the community to danger and can avert crises…even save lives! They can pick up on subtle cues before others have a clue.

But sometimes, due to the harshness of the environments in which they find themselves, they might become reactive instead of responsive, dysfunctional instead of functional.

Think of the smoke alarm. It saves lives by alerting the occupant that something in the house is burning. If the occupant trusts the smoke alarm, he will go search the culprit and put it out. If the smoke alarm is always going off, then after a while it gets ignored or turned off. Or the presence of louder sounds will drown out the alarm.

But the smoke alarm has its purpose. So do sensitive people.

Emotional stability is a misnomer. You don’t want to be emotionally stable… Balanced and passive. You want to be emotionally responsive
There is a reason why sensitive people are more effective at communicating. That sensitivity indicates vulnerability which takes a high level of honesty, authenticity and courage.

So, how do you embrace your sensitivity?

1. Respond, don’t react: When in distressing situations, take a deep breath before responding. Reacting will not help the situation. The difference between reacting and responding is the amount of time between the stimulus and source of theresponse. Reacting is instantaneous and comes from a place of fear. If you take a deep breath and pay attention to your body, then you are morely to respond from a place of love, worthiness and truth.

2. Spend time alone: Get away from the noise. Highly sensitive instruments have to be calibrated and kept at certain temperatures and conditions, and well maintained. Your car alarm have to be calibrated to be trusted to read conditions accurately. So do you. Get some rest. Meditate. Spend some time in nature. Exercise. Pray. Stay out of overly stimulating environments which are more likely to make you more reactive than responsive. For me, I need to journal on a daily basis, meditate, decompress, pray and exercise.

3. Pay attention: Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. Listen to the still small voice. God whispers all the time. You can’t hear until you pay attention. But first you’d have to get away to a quiet place. (see #2 above).

4. Don’t take things personally: People are flawed. They will hurt you. Some intentionally, others not. It is not about you. It is about whatever is going on in their heads and in their lives. Don’t let the actions of others keep you from exercising the wonderful gift sensitivity.

5. Use your gift: What’s the use of a car alarm, an oil sensor or a smoke alarm if you never use it? You could die. Not listening to the car alarm could result in a car crash. Not using the smoke alarm could result in a house burning to the ground. You are sensitive for a purpose. Use it.

6. Be around people who understand and appreciate your gift: Don’t toss your pearls before swine. If people are constantly berating your sensitivity, get away. You are sensitive and all of that judgment cuts really deeply and makes you less likely listen to your gut or to use your sensitivity accurately. If the other people are insensitive, it means they don’t sense what you sense. Sometimes, the smoke sensor goes off way before you smell the smoke. If you are sensing something, stay with it, and be alert.

Because I had always been berated for being sensitive, I stopped listening to my gut and lost my way. Embracing my sensitivity has given me a new zest for life. I can be fully present, practice my spirituality, enjoy my gifts and serve others.

What about you?

Practicing Sensitivity:
1. In what ways are you a sensitive person?
2. In what ways have you stifled your sensitivity?
3. How have you embraced your sensitivity?
4. What effect does your current environment have on your sensitivity? Are you free to express it? Are you encouraged or shamed for expressing your sensitivity?
5. Can you recall a situation in which your sensitivity has saved you or others?
6. What small step can you take towards practicing your sensitivity more deeply?
7. What would fully embracing your sensitivity look like for you?

We cannot afford to walk around with hearts covered in saran wrap, shielding us from pain and from feeling too much. We can set boundaries. Within those boundaries, we can love and express that love wholeheartedly. The world would be a terrible place if we shielded our hearts from everything. Let’s express our sensitivity from a place of worthiness, courage and truth. See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Sensitivity – The strength of emotional or physical reaction in people. (Wiki)

“The world is a devastating place. You must learn to protect your emotions to prevent matters both in law and love, from devastating you.” – Lord Mansfield from the Movie “Belle” (2013)

Sensitivity.

A beautiful and charged word. For the longest time comments were thrown at me, judging me for being sensitive… The words were harsh. Well-intended but painful… Some meant to protect me. They saw an emotionally sensitive person who needed to armor up to protect from the harsh realities of life.

“Oh, you are too sensitive!” “Why do you have to cry right now? Can’t you master your emotions?”
“Tone down your voice.” “Why do you care so much? Do you have to feel everything?”
“You are such a bleeding heart liberal.”

And my all-time favorite – “You care too much to be a surgeon.”

I have tried to stifle the sensitivity. I numbed it out. Tried to pretend I didn’t care.

But I did care. I do care.

I believe that sensitive people are the sensors, the alarms, the sirens of the world.

Sensitive people are specially designed to alert the community to danger and can avert crises…even save lives! They can pick up on subtle cues before others have a clue.

But sometimes, due to the harshness of the environments in which they find themselves, they might become reactive instead of responsive, dysfunctional instead of functional.

Think of the smoke alarm. It saves lives by alerting an occupant that something in the house is burning. If the occupant trusts the smoke alarm, he will go search the culprit and put it out. If the smoke alarm is always going off, then after a while it gets ignored or turned off. Or the presence of louder sounds will drown out the alarm.

But the smoke alarm has its purpose. So do sensitive people.

Emotional stability is a misnomer. You don’t want to be emotionally stable… Balanced and passive. You want to be emotionally responsive.

There is a reason why sensitive people are more effective at communicating. That sensitivity indicates vulnerability which takes a high level of honesty, authenticity and courage. And this generates trust which builds commection and so on.

So, how do you embrace your sensitivity?

1. Respond, don’t react: When in distressing situations, take a deep breath before responding. Reacting will not help the situation. The difference between reacting and responding is timing and source of the behavior. Reacting is instantaneous and comes from a place of fear. If you take a deep breath and pay attention to your body and remember your ideals, then you are morely to respond from a place of love, worthiness and truth.

2. Spend time alone: Get away from the noise. Highly sensitive instruments have to be calibrated and kept at certain temperatures and conditions. They also have to be well maintained. Your car alarm has to be calibrated to be trusted to read conditions accurately. So do you. Get some rest. Meditate. Spend some time in nature. Exercise. Pray. Stay out of overly stimulating environments which are more likely to make you more reactive than responsive. For me, I need to journal, meditate, decompress, pray and exercise daily

3. Pay attention: Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. Listen to the still small voice. God whispers all the time. You can’t hear until you pay attention. But first you’d have to get away to a quiet place. (see #2 above).

4. Don’t take things personally: People are flawed. They will hurt you. Some intentionally, others not. It is not about you. It is about whatever is going on in their heads and in their lives. Don’t let the actions of others keep you from exercising the wonderful gift of sensitivity.

5. Use your gift: What’s the use of a car alarm, an oil sensor or a smoke alarm if you never use it? You could die. Not listening to the car alarm could result in a car crash. Not using the smoke alarm could result in a house burning to the ground. You are sensitive for a purpose. Use it.

6. Be around people who understand and appreciate your gift: Don’t toss your pearls before swine. If people are constantly berating your sensitivity, get away. You are sensitive and all of that judgment cuts really deeply and makes you less likely listen to your gut or use your sensitivity accurately. If the other people are insensitive, it means they don’t sense what you sense. Sometimes, the smoke sensor goes off way before you smell the smoke. If you are sensing something, stay with it, and be alert.

Because I had always been berated for being sensitive, I stopped listening to my gut and lost my way for years. Thankfully, I found my way back. Embracing my sensitivity has given me a new zest for life. I can be fully present, practice my spirituality, enjoy my gifts and serve others.

What about you?

Practicing Sensitivity:
1. In what ways are you a sensitive person?
2. In what ways have you stifled your sensitivity?
3. How have you embraced your sensitivity?
4. What effect does your current environment have on your sensitivity? Are you free to express it? Are you encouraged or shamed for expressing your sensitivity?
5. Can you recall a situation in which your sensitivity has saved you or others?
6. What small step can you take towards practicing your sensitivity more deeply?
7. What would fully embracing your sensitivity look like for you?

We cannot afford to walk around with hearts covered in saran wrap, shielding us from pain and from feeling too much. We can set boundaries. Within those boundaries, we can love and express our love wholeheartedly. The world would be a terrible place if we shielded our hearts from everything. Let’s express our sensitivity from a place of worthiness, courage and truth. See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them” – Albert Schweitzer

The Live Your Ideals Project is inspired by this quote.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge Albert Schweitzer fan. This is one of his quotes I live by. His quotes remind me that my life has meaning every time I lose my sense of direction or purpose.

Why write about ideals?

“An ideal is a principle or value that one actively pursues as a goal…” – Wiki

I speak of ideals in terms of process, pursuit, cultivation, habit, imperfection reaching for greater and fuller expression of the ideal.

I am not talking about idealism, dismissal of reality or perfectionism.

A few years ago, I realized I was becoming someone I hardly recognized. I had drifted away from my core ideals and was devastated to see what I was becoming.

“Virtue – An ideal that one can make a habit.” – Wiki

I discovered that there was a huge gap between my values and my behavior. I have about 12 core ideals around which my life is focused and I was completely out of alignment with many of them.

For example, one of my core strengths and virtues is creativity. But my guitar would sit there for weeks untouched. The melodies came but I would neither record them nor write them down. My songbook had gone for years without a song. I was neglecting my creativity.

Other core values are joy, generosity and connectedness. I have always been the positive glass half-full, bubbly, smiley, belly-laughing, fun person… But I found myself constantly spouting negativity, complaining and whining about everything. I love people. I love connecting people, meeting people, being hospitable, volunteering, serving… I am a giver. But, I realized I had completely isolated myself. I had no deep friendships and I had stopped smiling. I wasn’t even volunteering.

Wellness? Don’t even try. I was overweight, an insomniac, stressed and cranky.

I could hardly recognize myself.

Last year, I came across this Schweitzer quote again. I decided to cultivate, really grow my ideals, not perfectly but paying attention and nurturing them.

About the same time, I discovered and became a huge fan of James Clear’s work on habits. I especially connected with his article on <a href=”http://http://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits” title=”identity-based habits”>Identity-based Habits</a> which revolutionized the way I saw myself.

“The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. ” – James Clear

I decided to live what I believed.

James Clear’s recipe for success: 1. Decide the type of person you want to be. 2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

For me, this meant practicing each ideal, intentionally, imperfectly in small increments daily. And it has transformed my life.

The weight is coming off. My joy has returned. I am serving again. I do a little music daily. I am publishing posts twice weekly. Again, as I always say, this is not about me.

You have to become the change you wish to see in your life, not just in the world.

Becoming is a process, and unfolding… implying time and change… Not a quick fix. Try hurrying up a caterpillar’s transformation. It will be destroyed if its transformation is forced or rushed.

I love the idea of virtues being the habit or the practice of ideals. It means that living your ideals doesn’t have to be perfectionist or rigid. On the contrary, it means creating a daily practice of living your virtues. Some days you do well. Other days, you will fail miserably and disappoint yourself. But you show up the next day and try again. And again. And again.

Think about your core virtues What is important to you? Love? Service? Joy, Creativity, Integrity? Reverence? Making a habit of engaging and embodying your virtues results in actually living your ideals.

Live what you believe.

Stop planning to run. Run. Don’t buy another guitar book (yes, I’m guilty!). Play your guitar. Knit. Write. Speak. Dance. Build. Farm. Swim. Meditate. Audition. Again and Again.

Show up. The first time. Every time. Imperfectly. Just show up. Again and again.

And like Albert Schweitzer said ” I decided that I would make my life my argument.”

In other words, how can you embody that which you strive to be? Become it. Live that ideal. Day by day, moment by moment, again and again.

Practice the habit, practice the virtue, Live the ideal.

No one, nothing, not even life, can rob of you of it.

Practicing Consistency:
1. What ideals do you need to consistently cultivate or embody?
2. James Clear’s blog focuses on transforming your habits. What habits do you need to transform or eliminate completely?
3. How does Schweitzer’s quote “I decided to make my life my argument” resonate with you?
4. What small change do you need to make to live your ideals consistently?
5. What challenges keep you from being consistent?
6. What would living your ideals consistently look like for you?
7. Do you have a list of your core ideals? If not, can you write them down today?

You can live your ideals consistently. Consistency is simply unwavering adherence to your principles. You have what it takes to show up and do your best. Just take the first step. And the next. And the next. I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them” – Albert Schweitzer

The Live Your Ideals Project is inspired by this quote.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge Albert Schweitzer fan. This is one of his quotes I live by. His quotes remind me that my life has meaning every time I lose my sense of direction or purpose.

Why write about ideals?

“An ideal is a principle or value that one actively pursues as a goal…” – Wiki

I speak of ideals in terms of process, pursuit, cultivation, habit, imperfection reaching for greater and fuller expression of the ideal.

I am not talking about idealism, dismissal of reality or perfectionism.

A few years ago, I realized I was becoming someone I hardly recognized. I had drifted away from my core ideals and was devastated to see what I was becoming.

“Virtue – An ideal that one can make a habit.” – Wiki

I discovered that there was a huge gap between my values and my behavior. I have about 12 core ideals around which my life is focused and I was completely out of alignment with many of them.

For example, one of my core strengths and virtues is creativity. But my guitar would sit there for weeks untouched. The melodies came but I would neither record them nor write them down. My songbook had gone for years without a song. I was neglecting my creativity.

Other core values are joy, generosity and connectedness. I have always been the positive glass half-full, bubbly, smiley, belly-laughing, fun person… But I found myself constantly spouting negativity, complaining and whining about everything. I love people. I love connecting people, meeting people, being hospitable, volunteering, serving… I am a giver. But, I realized I had completely isolated myself. I had no deep friendships and I had stopped smiling. I wasn’t even volunteering.

Wellness? Don’t even try. I was overweight, an insomniac, stressed and cranky.

I could hardly recognize myself.

Last year, I came across this Schweitzer quote again. I decided to cultivate, really grow my ideals, not perfectly but paying attention and nurturing them.

About the same time, I discovered and became a huge fan of James Clear’s work on habits. I especially connected with his article on Identity-based habits which revolutionized the way I saw myself.

“The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. ” – James Clear

I decided to live what I believed.

James Clear’s recipe for success: 1. Decide the type of person you want to be. 2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

For me, this meant practicing each ideal, intentionally, imperfectly in small increments daily. And it has transformed my life.

The weight is coming off. My joy has returned. I am serving again. I do a little music daily. I am publishing posts twice weekly. Again, as I always say, this is not about me.

You have to become the change you wish to see in your life, not just in the world.

Becoming is a process, and unfolding… implying time and change… Not a quick fix. Try hurrying up a caterpillar’s transformation. It will be destroyed if its transformation is forced or rushed.

I love the idea of virtues being the habit or the practice of ideals. It means that living your ideals doesn’t have to be perfectionist or rigid. On the contrary, it means creating a daily practice of living your virtues. Some days you do well. Other days, you will fail miserably and disappoint yourself. But you show up the next day and try again. And again. And again.

Think about your core virtues What is important to you? Love? Service? Joy, Creativity, Integrity? Reverence? Making a habit of engaging and embodying your virtues results in actually living your ideals.

Live what you believe.

Stop planning to run. Run. Don’t buy another guitar book (yes, I’m guilty!). Play your guitar. Knit. Write. Speak. Dance. Build. Farm. Swim. Meditate. Audition. Again and Again.

Show up. The first time. Every time. Imperfectly. Just show up. Again and again.

And like Albert Schweitzer said ” I decided that I would make my life my argument.”

In other words, how can you embody that which you strive to be? Become it. Live that ideal. Day by day, moment by moment, again and again.

Practice the habit, practice the virtue, Live the ideal.

No one, nothing, not even life, can rob of you of it.

Practicing Consistency:
1. What ideals do you need to consistently cultivate or embody?
2. James Clear’s blog focuses on transforming your habits. What habits do you need to transform or eliminate completely?
3. How does Schweitzer’s quote “I decided to make my life my argument” resonate with you?
4. What small change do you need to make to live your ideals consistently?
5. What challenges keep you from being consistent?
6. What would living your ideals consistently look like for you?
7. Do you have a list of your core ideals? If not, can you write them down today?

You can live your ideals consistently. Consistency is simply unwavering adherence to your principles. You have what it takes to show up and do your best. Just take the first step. And the next. And the next. I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Integrity is a personal choice, an uncompromising and predictably consistent commitment to honour moral, ethical, spiritual and artistic values and principles.” – Barbara Killinger

It takes courage to be honest.

It takes courage to be honest about who you are, where you have been and where you are going.

It takes even more courage to be honest about where you want to go and who you want to be.

Practicing integrity is a personal choice. You make this choice daily, moment to moment… constantly self-checking to make sure you are aligned with your values and principles…

This blog rose out of my desire to live aligned with my ideals. Not in a perfectionistic, all or nothing way… But as a commitment to practice, grow, cultivate the ideals that are most meaningful to me.

Making this commitment was not easy.

In fact, it came at a huge price.

Many people appear to know what is best for you, what you should do with your life. And if you are a recovering people-pleaser, like I am, this can be overwhelming.

Add the self-imposed expectations which are difficult to parse from those of your upbringing. Is this really my dream or someone else’s?

Add being an immigrant from a paternalistic culture that tells you who you should be and what you should do, especially as a woman. Then moving to a country where being of color implies inferiority and being in a box. You got it. Confusion, stress, frustration and the risk of living a life with undeveloped potential and buried dreams.

So what do you do?

Do you take the easy and popular road knowing you are completely misaligned with your values and principles but hey, you are making a lot of money in a respectable and stable job and all your bills are paid, you have the latest gadgets and toys… but you are up all night with that gnawing sensation that you are missing something really important?

Or do you take that difficult, lonely and isolated road that lines up with your ideals, principles and values but you feel at peace and grateful, yes broke for now, scared and a little nervous about failing but you still feel at the right place at the right time?

You look on Facebook and everyone seems to be living blindingly glamorous lives, taking the best vacations, Pinterest- and Instagram-perfect lives.

So…

Am I wasting my life?

Do I deserve the luxury of living aligned with my ideals and values?

Does the gift of living your dreams belong only to the skinny, adventurous, well-connected, blue-blooded, fit, young, smart, gorgeous, aspirational charismatic Type A’s of a certain skin tone?

These are questions I have wrestled with.

The truth is, I am a child of God. God Loves me. God has a purpose for my life. I don’t look like those people I admire and that is ok. My story is matters because I matter.

Same goes for you, my friend.

“Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. ” – Arthur Burt

Yes, I have lost a few dreams. But those were dreams dreamed by a girl who had a limited view of her life. A girl who envisioned a life roaming the earth alone as a missionary doctor.

I am beyond grateful this dream did not come true. It has been difficult but My life is much richer than the one that girl envisioned. Yes, I am on a different path from my medical peers. But this is my path. I know my strengths and what energizes me.

I know that God has plans for my life. I am committed to living a life aligned with my ideals. I catch glimpses of my future and it excites me.

Long story short… I am blessed.

Yes, the price of living in integrity have been ridiculously high but I have to live my truth. I have to live in integrity.
And so far, the rewards (joy, peace, fulfillment, connection to name a few) have been incredible and I know there will be even much more.

In all I do, I get to bring the doctor, the musician, the writer, the theologian, the traveler, the strategic coach, the joyful dancer, the connector, and the humanitarian to the table, serve and live my truth. I know that the rewards have been worth it.
To God be all the glory.

Practicing Integrity:
1. What part of Barbara Killinger’s definition of integrity resonates with you?
2. In what ways do you need to take the road less traveled?
3. What is holding you back from living aligned with your values?
4. What do you really want? Are you living the life you want to live?
5. Complete this sentence “If I really had the courage, I would_____”
6. What small change do you need to make to  live in integrity  today?
7. You are not alone. With whom can you partner for accountability?

You have the courage you need to live your ideals. Integrity is a choice. You have what it takes to live it. It takes commitment – Just show up and do your best! I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Integrity is a personal choice, an uncompromising and predictably consistent commitment to honour moral, ethical, spiritual and artistic values and principles.” – Barbara Killinger

It takes courage to be honest.

It takes courage to be honest about who you are, where you have been and where you are going.

It takes even more courage to be honest about where you want to go and who you want to be.

Practicing integrity is a personal choice. You make this choice daily, moment to moment… constantly self-checking to make sure you are aligned with your values and principles…

This blog rose out of my desire to live aligned with my ideals. Not in a perfectionistic, all or nothing way… But as a commitment to practice, grow, cultivate the ideals that are most meaningful to me.

Making this commitment was not easy.

In fact, it came at a huge price.

Many people appear to know what is best for you, what you should do with your life. And if you are a recovering people-pleaser, like I am, this can be overwhelming.

Add the self-imposed expectations which are difficult to parse from those of your upbringing. Is this really my dream or someone else’s?

Add being an immigrant from a paternalistic culture that tells you who you should be and what you should do, especially as a woman. Then, moving to a country where being of color implies inferiority and being in a box. You got it. Confusion, stress, frustration and the risk of living a life with undeveloped potential and buried dreams.

So, what do you do?

Do you take the easy and popular road knowing you are completely misaligned with your values and principles but hey, you are making a lot of money in a respectable and stable job and all your bills are paid, you have the latest gadgets and toys… but you are up all night with that gnawing sensation that you are missing something really important?

Or do you take that difficult, lonely and isolated road that lines up with your ideals, principles and values but you feel at peace and grateful, yes broke for now, scared and a little nervous about failing but you still feel at the right place at the right time?

You look on Facebook and everyone seems to be living blindingly glamorous lives, taking the best vacations, Pinterest- and Instagram-perfect lives.

So…

Am I wasting my life?

Do I deserve the luxury of living aligned with my ideals and values?

Does the gift of living your dreams belong only to the skinny, adventurous, well-connected, blue-blooded, fit, young, smart, gorgeous, aspirational charismatic Type A’s of a certain skin tone?

These are questions I have wrestled with.

The truth is, I am a child of God. God Loves me. God has a purpose for my life. I don’t look like those people I admire and that is ok. My story is matters because I matter.

Same goes for you, my friend.

“Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. ” – Arthur Burt

Yes, I have lost a few dreams. But those were dreams dreamed by a girl who had a limited view of her life. A girl who envisioned a life roaming the earth alone as a missionary doctor.

I am beyond grateful this dream did not come true. It has been difficult but My life is much richer than the one that girl envisioned. Yes, I am on a different path from my medical peers. But this is my path. I know my strengths and what energizes me.

I know that God has plans for my life. I am committed to living a life aligned with my ideals. I catch glimpses of my future and it excites me.

Long story short… I am blessed.

Yes, the price of living in integrity have been ridiculously high but I have to live my truth. I have to live in integrity.
And so far, the rewards (joy, peace, fulfillment, connection to name a few) have been incredible and I know there will be even much more.

In all I do, I get to bring the doctor, the musician, the writer, the theologian, the traveler, the strategic coach, the joyful dancer, the connector, and the humanitarian to the table, serve and live my truth. I know that the rewards have been worth it.
To God be all the glory.

Practicing Integrity:
1. What part of Barbara Killinger’s definition of integrity resonates with you?
2. In what ways do you need to take the road less traveled?
3. What is holding you back from living aligned with your values?
4. What do you really want? Are you living the life you want to live?
5. Complete this sentence “If I really had the courage, I would_____”
6. What small change do you need to make to practice integrity today?
7. You are not alone. With whom can you partner for accountability?

You have the courage you need to live your ideals. Integrity is a choice. You have what it takes to live it. It takes commitment – Just show up and do your best! I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Authenticity is a buzzword nowadays.

Everyone including me and their grandmother talks about the importance of being your true self.

Tweets, selfies, oversharing in the name of authenticity. But somehow, we feel more isolated and demoralized as we see the highlights of others’ lives on facebook and twitter.

Everyone is up to something extremely important. Everyone is shouting and no one is listening. I look around and I see masks everywhere.

There is a veneer… Everything is photoshopped. Too perfect. Too plastic. A thin oily film covers everything and leaves you feeling greasy and uneasy…

Personas, personalities, swagger, braggadocio…

We fragment ourselves, highlighting the presentable, acceptable parts…

Hiding the vulnerable, honest, imperfect parts…

In the previous post I talked about bringing all of who you are in service to the world. As an uber-eclectic third cultured person, I spent my life revealing different aspects of my self to different groups… a social chameleon, I had to adapt to those different settings and locations quickly.

When you do that enough times, you begin to feel fragmented.

The thing is, each self was authentic. I was telling the truth. I think this is happening in our culture today. People are genuinely trying to be authentic.

But we are not telling the WHOLE truth, are we?

If we are truly honest, we will not only share our highlights but our lowlights as well.

Think of a shattered mirror. Each fragment tells the truth. But a whole mirror reveal a deeper truth.

We are more than the sum of our parts.

We can never be truly honest and practice integrity if we hide certain aspects of ourselves and only display the good parts.

I used to do this in my prayers. I would only thank God and maybe make a few requests here and there. As if God didn’t know it all!

I have doubts, fears, insecurities, neuroses… I have failed many times. I bring them ALL to God now. I know that I am loved just as I am, with all my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, my obsessions…

Here’s the thing… we are all in this together. Let’s take of the masks, step out into the light and show all of who we are… not just the pretty parts.

Not only will we experience true authenticity, connection and integrity but we will be assured that we are loved for the whole truth of who we are.

Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of your story are you hiding?
2. What would standing in the Light look like for you?
3. How does your hiding affect your integrity?
4. What story do you need to let go of in order to live honestly?
5. “I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God”. In what ways can you make this promise to yourself and live in integrity?

You are worthy of love and respect. You deserve to live an honest and integrated life. Explore what telling the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth means to you. And go live it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Authenticity is a buzzword nowadays.

Everyone including me and their grandmother talks about the importance of being your true self.

Tweets, selfies, oversharing in the name of authenticity. But somehow, we feel more isolated and demoralized as we see the highlights of others’ lives on facebook and twitter.

Everyone is up to something extremely important. Everyone is shouting and no one is listening. I look around and I see masks everywhere.

There is a veneer… Everything is photoshopped. Too perfect. Too plastic. A thin oily film covers everything and leaves you feeling greasy and uneasy…

Personas, personalities, swagger, braggadocio…

We fragment ourselves, highlighting the presentable, acceptable parts…

Hiding the vulnerable, honest, imperfect parts…

In the previous post I talked about bringing all of who you are in service to the world. As an uber-eclectic third cultured person, I spent my life revealing different aspects of my self to different groups… a social chameleon, I had to adapt to those different settings and locations quickly.

When you do that enough times, you begin to feel fragmented.

The thing is, each self was authentic. I was telling the truth.  I think this is happening in our culture today. People are genuinely trying to be authentic.

But we are not telling the WHOLE truth, are we?

If we are truly honest, we will not only share our highlights but our lowlights as well.

Think of a shattered mirror. Each fragment tells the truth. But a whole mirror reveal a deeper truth.

We are more than the sum of our parts.

We can never be truly honest and practice integrity if we hide certain aspects of ourselves and only display the good parts.

I used to do this in my prayers. I would only thank God and maybe make a few requests here and there.  As if God didn’t know it all!

I have doubts, fears, insecurities, neuroses… I have failed many times. I bring them ALL to God now. I know that I am loved just as I am, with all my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, my obsessions…

Here’s the thing… we are all in this together. Let’s take of the masks,  step out into the light and show all of who we are… not just the pretty parts.

Not only will we experience true authenticity, connection and integrity but we will be assured that we are loved for the whole truth of who we are.
Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of your story are you hiding?
2. What would standing in the Light look like for you?
3. How does your hiding affect your integrity?
4. What story do you need to let go of in order to live honestly?
5. “I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God”. In what ways can you make this promise to yourself and live in integrity?

You are  worthy of love and respect.  You deserve to live an honest and integrated life. Explore what telling the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth means to you. And go live it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Integrity.

I love this word.

Integrity – the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
– the state of being whole and undivided. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Usually, we think of integrity as righteous living, or doing things the right way and the right time. being honest and moral. And that is true… partly…

Integrity stems from the word: “Integer”. I was a math major in undergrad (well, actually a biology and math major… but that’s another story! I digress… )

Integers are whole numbers. Not fractions. Not decimals.

Whole.

Complete.

Lacking nothing. No extra attachments trailing, no attendum pending…

Whole.

Also think of the associated word “Integrated”. In the United States, integration is a charged but desirable goal. People of different backgrounds and races interacting in all facets of life with peace and goodwill.

So how can I practice integrity as wholeness?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

As a Third Culture Adult, having moved around my whole life. I am very eclectic. With each location, I found myself adapting adopting some of the local culture in order to assimilate with my peers… Not necessarily fit in, but get along.

The evolution that arises from such mobility can be gradual and easy to absorb, especially for a growing child. Third culture kids are adept at being social chameleons. I can relate to just about anyone and can find something to connect with a new acquaintance. So, my whole life, I have woven in and out of social circles that don’t necessarily overlap.

My friends range from several religious backgrounds- Mennonites, Jews, Mormons, Hindu, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic, Evangelical Christian…

They also have various political leanings – Tea Party, Progressives, Conservative, Liberals…
And work in various fields as Artists, Physicians, Yoginis, Musicians, Entrepreneurs, Politicians, Photographers…

World Cup is always fun for me. I can cheer with my friends from Peru, Bangladesh, Finland, England, Germany, China, Cambodia, Korea, Ghana, Nigeria, Liberia… Faux rivalries with your friends are fun when you cheer for the opposing team.

When you move across cultures, continents, even languages, the changes can be drastic. And if you have nothing to tether you to your past, you can reinvent yourself over and over again. This was an awesome facet of moving around until…

Facebook.

Facebook triggered an unexpected identity crisis for me. What do you do when your several pasts and identities collide with your present? Who are you then? And can you still evolve? Is there room for growth. Yes I am a renaissance woman and a life-long learner. But for a while there I struggled and had to take some time to really reflect.

So how do you integrate all of these different parts of yourself into the current you in a way that aligns with your ideals while shedding the parts you have outgrown. How do you avoid coming across as a hypocrite? “Oh yeah, she’s all righteous now, you should have seen her during her partying days”. “Wait, he’s a Christian? Wasn’t she studying the Kabballah and hanging out at ashrams 8 years ago?”

Yes, people might be saying these things.

Or maybe it is all in your head.

No one really cares. What they care about it how you treat them. The thing is people are too busy thinking about themselves, looking for validation and meaning. We are all stuck in our heads…

“What’s in your head? Zombie, Zombie, Zombie eh eh…” – The Cranberries

Maybe what’s really important is holding the space you occupy in the world with wholeness and grace – bringing all of who you are to the table and owning it. Owning the parts of yourself that don’t make sense or shedding them. Your choice.

But embracing the full definition of integrity. Living honestly, being whole, Standing on your ideals and living aligned with them. Pointing the compass due north and following it.

So yes, I am a walking contradiction. I love hard rock. I love blue grass. I love Jesus. I love Jimi Hendrix. I love people of different backgrounds and nationalities. I love dancing salsa. I dream of crowdsurfing at a Foo Fighters or DC talk reunion concert. I love math. I am crazy about mental health and coaching and preventive medicine and international health. I love Oprah and Albert Schweitzer… See all the I’s… How self-absorbed! NO ONE CARES!

What people care about is how you make them feel. Instead of staying here navel-gazing, I can look up and serve. It is the one thing that fulfills me. And Albert Schweitzer was absolutely right.

” I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know – the only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of yourself have you suppressed or withheld to appear more acceptable?
2. What would living a life of integrity look like for you?
3. Do you know anyone who lives in integrity? What do you admire most about them?
4. What are your fears and concerns about living in integrity?
5. What would the next decade look like if you didn’t practice integrity?
6. In what ways do you need support with living in integrity?

You are valid. Your life has purpose and you have all the different facets of your personality for a reason. Explore what bringing all of who you are in service to the World means to you. And go live it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.