Author Archives: Yvonne Ator

Peace (Part 2) – Humility, Non-violence & the Blessed Peacemakers

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“If we are to have peace on earth, our loyalties must become ecumenical rather than sectional. Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe, our class, and our nation; and this means we must develop a world perspective.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

I love the definition of Peace as  “Freedom from or cessation from war or violence.”

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been obsessing about peace lately.  Especially with respect to non-violence. I wrote a few haikus about it.

Yes, the recent violent protests have really troubled me. I am not sure why they have troubled me so deeply this time. I have always been of the activist bent – having visited the Capitol several times to advocate, lobby and protest for human rights, universal health care, HIV prevention and homeless rights. All have been non-violent exercises, peaceful demonstrations of the second amendment.

But the riots in Ferguson were particularly distressing to me.   The  opportunities for solidarity and unity across racial, class, generations, were nearly erased by those who selfishly decided to take the law into their own hands by destroying personal and public property. Yes, there are valid concerns about injustice, but violence is not the answer.

I have been trying to understand this. How does someone go from peaceful protests to violent destruction?

Pride? Selfishness? Lack (Or Loss) of vision?

MLK Jr. describes Pride as the monster that swallows non-violence. Violence is the language of the frustrated. When you can’t get what you want, it is easy to spiral down into violence.

CS Lewis “humility is not thinking less of your self, it is thinking of your self less.”

I think people resort to violence when they stop thinking about the people they are trying to serve and become fixated on their own personal agenda.

“Blessed are the meek (the humble) for they shall inherit the earth.”  Unfortunately, You don’t get your way by force. Even those who go to war, have to go through a peace treaty and negotiate the terms for peace. All of the time fighting, bloodshed, pain, suffering still culminates in a peace talk. The violent destroy the very earth they seek to inherit.

The humble,  like Stephen Covey described in the 7 habits of highly effective people, “Seek first to understand, than to be understood.”.

Humility.

Humility is key for non-violence.

“The limitation of riots, moral questions aside, is that they cannot win and their participants know it. Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but reactionary because it invites defeat. It involves an emotional catharsis, but it must be followed by a sense of futility. Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

I really admire non-violence and seek to cultivate it. I am learning however that Non-violence is not only a physical thing. It can be verbal, emotional or even non-verbal…

For example, there is a certain violence in the “silent treatment.” If you’ve ever experienced the “look of daggers”, you might know what I mean too. Oh how someone can slice you up with daggers in their eyes!  Or how with a single voice tone,  someone can make you shrivel up!

Practicing non-violence calls for a deep awareness of every aspect of our lives – our thoughts towards others,  flippant answer, that sarcastic remark, lashing out…

I am becoming aware of how dangerous my speech can be when I am tired, hungry or just sleep deprived. Self-care is key for my being grounded and attentive enough to practice non-violence.

Blessed are the peacemakers – they will be called sons of God. I think about all those who profess their faith yet use God to promote guns. Warmongering, spreading hate, race-baiting… It know that I risk  sounding  judgmental and preachy as I write this but I can’t understand how people use God to promote guns and hatred. I am working on it.

If we really sought to think of the others more, try to understand then try to be understood. Like Gandhi, we will be able to achieve what was deemed impossible.

Peace-making is not a passive thing. Peace making takes guts. A certain fierceness. A willingness to sacrifice, stick one’s neck out.

Peacemaking is described by Wiki as practical conflict transformation – aimed at establishing equitable power relationships so that future conflict is held at bay. This is done by agreeing on ethical decisions, and aims to achieve full reconciliation among the adversaries, and foster a new mutual understanding among all involved. There are usually 2 parties, with a facilitator or mediator.

So what does a peacemaker do when surrounded by those willing to succumb to violence?

Is there a role for force, and peacekeeping, especially in the face of evil, or anarchy? I wonder…
I do think that violence is a matter of intention and manner… domination, or liberation, connection or power play…

The question to ask is what is really going on here?

Gandhi says the greatest force available to humankind is Non-violence. He objected to violence because he said the good it appeared to do was temporary but its evil was permanent.

We should all be peace-makers..

Like MLK says, we must evolve a method for all human conflict – a method that rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. Love is the foundation of such a method. Imagine that!

Approaching all human conflict with love, rejecting revenge, aggression and retaliation. Is this possible? Yes!

As with all the ideals, I expect this to take an intentional cultivation. I am very interested in cultivating this, are you?

Violence is a descending spirial leading nowhere. Id doesn’t solve any problems but multiplies evil and violence in the universe. What  would happen if we really internalized this truth?

I want to cultivate humility, non-violence and peacemaking in every aspect of my life.

Imagine friendships, marriages, businesses, international relations without revenge, aggression or retaliation! That is a concept!

Oh Yvonne, you are too idealistic!

Well, thank you! That’s what I am here for… to help you cultivate your ideals so that life will not rob you of them! )

See you next time!

 

Cultivating Peace:

1. How would you define humility?

2. In what ways does pride affect your relationships?

3. What role does non-violence play in your life?

4. Are there hidden pockets of violence in your life?

5. In what ways can you be more of a peacemaker?

6. Are you an active practitioner of the 2nd amendment?

7. In what ways can you cultivate peace in your life today?

 

Humility, Non-violence and Peacemaking go hand in hand in cultivating peace. Take the time to uproot old habits of violence in your life. Love is the bedrock of a peaceful life.  May you find peace in all aspects of your life in 2015. See you Next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

 

Peace (Part 1) – Stillness, Clarity and Asking for What You Want

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“Be Still and know that I am God. ” – The Bible

Peace.

Been thinking a lot about peace lately… even before the current uprisings against police brutality.

Peace…

You see, I have been struggling. You might know me for my positivity, exuberance and zest for life. I still am those things. But, lately, I have been struggling with a growing inner turmoil. I am committed to authenticity and vulnerability so this post has been a difficult one to write and I have been putting it off for weeks.

“Peace – freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. freedom from or the cessation of war or violence.” -Merriam Webster Dictionary

2014 brought a lot of changes to my life. I started this blog… purely out of necessity. I needed to see what my life would look like if I committed to my ideals and lived them. Out of that quest came a path I never saw coming.

Still a full time stay at home mom, I began writing, trained as a coach, trained as a Daring way Facilitator, traveled to conferences, found my tribe over and over again, took several e-courses, connected with mentors I followed from afar, started my business and crossed off the top item on my bucket list.

I went through all that training convinced that I was to coach and facilitate physicians experiencing compassion fatigue and burnout – I wanted to be the support I wished I had during residency. Or at least serve third culture professionals who want to live their ideals.

But something happened during my travels. I found myself connecting with people like never before, getting attention just for being myself… It was wonderful and affirming. But it was also confusing. And disorienting.

I had gotten used to hiding in plain sight. Obviously, I am on the edge of a major shift. This would mean having to implement many changes in my life.

I continued preparing to serve physicians – I began an intense schedule of physician quality of life interviewing. But I was still a stay at home mom of 2 and began to have a growing sense of overwhelm at the size of the mission ahead of me. And not even sure whether I knew whom I wanted to serve anymore. It seemed like my mission was evolving and I didn’t know what to do.  Never one to compare myself with others, I began to feel inadequate.

I was in a different world now – one full of entrepreneurs, world-changers and influencers. Everyone seemed to have their acts together- People launching a product everywhere I looked. I was getting a lot of attention but I didn’t feel ready and wasn’t making an effort to get the attention. I didn’t have a product, or some angle to sell. Wasn’t even sure what half of the lingo was. Here I was, having spent most of my life in the ivory tower, completely out of my depth in a world where everyone seemed street smart. … It was stressful and scary. Ever the academic, I found myself buying whatever course I could to educate myself.

Overstimulated.  Financially Distressed.  Growing Pains.

I began to crave stillness.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama

I meditate regularly. It is part of my morning routine, set in place to help me manage my attention. I don’t follow any dogma – I just sit, pay attention and listen.  I am a big fan of the Bible verse “Be still and know that I am God.” Cultivating stillness helps me focus on what is really important. I liken it to waiting for muddy waters to settle.

When chaos ramps up in my life, I intensify my stillness practice. So, instead of 30 minutes of meditation, I sit for 45 minutes, or even 60. No, I am not some super-spiritual holy roller. I definitely don’t have all the answers, I only share my experiences and what helps me.

Being still helps me remember that it is not about me. I can’t control everything. I don’t make the universe tick. In the middle of the chaos, I can choose to reconnect to the Source. Being still helps me remember that God is God.

And God is working in my favor.

“God can not give us happiness and peace apart from  Himself because it is not there. There is no such thing. ” – C.S.Lewis

And Stillness begets clarity.

And I have been struggling with clarity.

I have gone through some huge paradigm shifts in a very short period. It is easy to get anxious and panic – confused about what to do. But what’s the point of fretting when I can get still?

So, getting still helps me get clear about what I really want. Not what others expect of me, but what I truly, deeply, wholeheartedly want…

Letting all the mud settle produces clear water can now be used to feed, clean…

In other words, it is difficult to be useful and intentional if you are muddied up internally. Getting still ushers in a clarity of purpose, an ability to be useful.

And with that clarity, when you know what you want, you can ask God for it.

That was the source of my chaos. I was no longer sure of what I wanted. And, this work has become bigger than I could have ever dreamed, so I need help. I need a team. I need resources. I need financial support. And I state my needs, not from a place of scarcity but from a place of abundance – knowing that whatever I need for this mission has already been provided. I only have to work where I am and keep my eyes (and heart) open for the provision.

The cool thing is that when you ask for what you want, you can hear the response  more clearly during stillness.

And when you know, when you truly understand that you can ask for whatever you want, you have peace. Why? Because you know that what ever you ask for, if you truly believe, you will receive it. Maybe not when you want it, but right on time.

That is peace.

So, I don’t know what the future holds for me. But I do know Who holds me and I intend to stay plugged in. I am desperate for miracles. But even more important is my desperation for God’s presence. I need it. I crave it. Without it, I am nothing but a chaotic mess.

“God can not give us happiness and peace apart from  Himself because it is not there. There is no such thing. ” – C.S.Lewis

Peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit – a sure sign you are plugged in to the Divine.

The coolest part of all this? What you focus on grows. The more you cultivate peace, the more peace you have…

So what are you waiting for?

Be still.

Cultivating Peace:

1. Do you have a stillness practice? How often? For how long?

2. In what areas of your life do you need clarity?

3. What is your soul craving right now?

4. Are you able to ask for what you want?

5. In what ways can you make room for a meditation or stillness practice?

6. In what ways can you reach out for support or accountability?

7. What step can you take right now to cultivate peace in your life?

 

It’s in your hands. You can choose peace. And the rewards are exponential – ripples spreading through the world, both inner and outer worlds. It begins by choosing stillness. May you have the clarity you desire and the courage to ask for what you want! See you next time.

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”